"tu amigo"

Submitter Jeroen explains,"The photo was taken in Cusco, Peru during local election time. Aparently Mr. Santiago wants to become mayor and (then will) also be 'your friend'."

Book Recommendation: Heaven's Forgotten

I promise I will get back to the funny punctuation pics soon, but I wanted to congratulate my friend Branden Johnson on the publication of his first novel, Heaven's Forgotten today. I've read part of it already and I can tell you that the writing is compelling and fast-paced and the characters are intriguing. If you're looking for a good work of speculative fiction, I recommend it.

"Store cool"

I assume this is some kind of spy code? Thanks Emma.

"Escape Rope"

This rope is clearly decorative. Thanks Joel.

"New" Cheeses

I mean, I guess they are still, like, fermented? Maybe not, maybe it's just a pool of milk. Thanks Jake.

"The Attorney"

So wait, is "the attorney" his fight name, or is he actually an attorney? Thanks Andy.

"sugar"

I found the nutra-sweet, guys. Thanks Melissa.

"non-alcoholic"

I don't know if you should encourage people to trick their friends like this. Thanks Ben.

"Authentic"

Maybe these folks are pointing out that our notion of authenticity itself is culturally constructed? Thanks Rick.

"book holiday party now"

This sounds like my kind of holiday, but maybe the quotation marks mean the opposite of that? Thanks Kathleen.

free-esque

I guess there's no such thing as a free pisco tasting. Thanks Justin.

"do not" "use" "elevator"

This is all part of a complicated code, clearly. Thanks Matt.

"No" dogs

Does this mean, like, metaphorical dogs? Like somebody's ex-boyfriend? Thanks wavking.

"Quiet" Please

I assume this means they want you miming blasting a trumpet right outside, right? Thanks Jennifer.

"Hot dogs"

Actually.... it's cool cats.
Thanks Kimberly.

"Mario's"

I mean, obviously you need to use an assumed name to do inspections. Duh. Thanks Michelle.

"Broken Toilet"

Here's where the secret meetings obviously take place. Thanks Marianne.

"Milk"

I guess this is where you can buy a sorry excuse for milk? Thanks Adam.

"Competitive Starting Pay"

Seems like the hiring manager can't quite keep a straight face with this one. Thanks Mark.

mmhmm

Sure it's enforced. You'll get right on that, I see. Thanks Anthony.

"To go"

I guess if they stay here, they remain condiments. Thanks Jack.

No Customers "Allowed"

Maybe some managers allow it? Thanks Jad.

"For guest safety"

Submitter Oliver suggests this is more about the operator's temperament than guest safety.

"get it"

I don't know what you really have to do for a free cookie, but I think I'll pass. Thanks Monica.

"Business" Hours

I guess they do other things besides business during those hours? Thanks William.

"Fresh" Seafood

Submitter Mary (thanks!) informs me this was taken in Lafayette, IN, which I suppose is not too close to the sea, so....

Only moderately hot

I guess there's a little wiggle room on how hot this water is going to be. Thanks to an anonymous submitter.

Get your "Tees"

I think they mean T-shirts, so maybe they think "Tees" is the nickname? Thanks Jamie and James.

ambiguous opening

I mean, who can remember when this restaurant opened. Thanks Jamie and James!

"Walk to Class"

Dianne spotted this near the campus of University of Kansas. Obviously, if you really live here, you will only jog, skip, or march to class.

Helmets for "safety"

I guess there are all kinds of dangers helmets don't protect you from.... Thanks Gary.

Lane may be "slippery"

I mean, look, I'm not saying the lubricated floor is going to be slippery, somebody else did. I don't want to be associated with that. Thanks Rafa.

"Fresh" Taffy

I mean, it's sugar, right? Not, like, produce. Thanks John.

Anything "Dutch"

I assume this is for things that are dutch in expressions but not from the netherlands, such as dutch ovens, going dutch on a date, or jumping rope double dutch, etc. No weird/awesome salty black licorice here. Thanks David.

"Out of Cheese"

I mean, I have my personal reserve of camembert, but that is not what we're talking about here. Thanks Eric.

"Gluten Free" section

I guess this section is for people who just want you to tell you there is no gluten in their bread or cake. Thanks Mandana.

Wait.. what?

This must be a reverse-psychology way of gathering firewood because nothing else makes more sense. Thanks Elizabeth.

"Cancelled" picnic

I guess they can't stop you from eating outside if you want to. Thanks Erin.

Sarcasm and Linguistics

I enjoyed this long piece on the toast about how we express sarcasm typographically on the internet. It may also be relevant to your interests. Back with more quotation marks soon!

"Best" rates you say?

I guess best doesn't always mean cheapest? Come here for some middle-of-the-road rates! Thanks Christina.

Is this actually the mafia?

Something is encoded in here, I'm just not sure what. Thanks Eric.

"ringing" eh?

I wonder what sound the alarm actually makes? Thanks Brian.

"Twin" lobster

I guess the "single" lobster is actually engaged, and the "twin" lobsters are really just unrelated dopelgangers. Thanks Adam.

"Open" 5 am

I mean, I'm not going to verify it, maybe they're, like, ajar at 5 am? Thanks Julianne.

extra "sauce"

I'm going to pretend they actually hand out these with the take out orders. Thanks Mark.

Does it belong to Irene?

Is Irene her real name or her nickname? Maybe it's both, like her name is Irene "Irene" Smith? Thanks Melissa.

Quick change

Toni and her husband saw this sign at a flea market, made fun of it out loud, and returned to find it mysteriously changed. I have to say, I strongly prefer the shiny version.

"Best" service center

I guess it's, like, among the best service centers. Thanks Stephen.

"Clearly Refreshing"

I don't know how I feel about this marginally refreshing water. Actually, I do, and that feeling is suspicious. Thanks Andrew.

"Children"

I wonder what "Children" is code for here? Thanks Marissa.

Machine "Broken"

This doesn't seem fishy at all. They seem really "sorry" about it. Thanks Vanessa.

"Saturday's Mail"

I can only assume that "Slide it Under" is the dance that goes with the song "Saturday's Mail." A real hit. Thanks Ben.