It's "Strict"

They totally "enforce" this lock time. "Strictly." Thanks John.

Want "stress free"?

I'm guessing the implication here is that the source of Christmas stress is not the cooking? Thanks Owen.

"Turn Off" Fans

I guess if you, like, floss in front of them that'll do it. Thanks Sarah.

Quotation Marks in spain

Submitter Jim translates the above sign:

DO NOT DISPOSE GARBAGE
"ON THE FLOOR"
YOUR CHILDREN'S HEALTH
"FIRST".

 I guess your children's health might be, like, third. Thanks Jim!

Made regular for you

It's made in the normal way. We didn't do anything creepy to your pizza. Probably. Thanks Jack.

"Linerbags" and stuff

Clearly, the "rubberband" is the most important fake thing in this note on a trashcan, but not the only fake or important thing. Thanks citizenjaq.

Please "Lock" "Door"

More bathroom codes or something. Mime locking near the door? Thanks Joy.

Not such a good deal?

I'm going to assume that first one is a really subtle reference to this. Thanks Douglas.

Pull "Gently"

You know, just grab that sucker however you want. Thanks Doug.

"Stop" it

I guess this is some complex bathroom code, I have no idea what you're really supposed to do with toilet paper. Thanks Chris.

"Domingos"

I wonder what fake Sundays this store is open on? Thanks Christopher.

"yes"

The layaway is only fake for english speakers I guess. Thanks Christopher.

"Completely"

Don't think too hard about what a truly complete flush might be (Off the planet altogether? Out of existence?) Thanks Phil.

Repair "By Experts"

Those "experts" are probably really "reliable" and "good" at their jobs. Thanks Stephen.

Buffalo "Wangs"

I think I hope these quotation marks are necessary and I really hope they meant to say wings. And mean it. Thanks sakkyoku.

Actually someone else's

I feel like we should be clear about whose waste this is, but I'm not going to get close enough to find out. Thanks Charlotte.

We "Established" It, Ok?

But not, like, established enough that we've sold out to the man or anything.... Thanks Dan.

"Pillow" sale

I guess these are sorry excuses for pillows. Thanks Marie.

We're sure you'll be "highly satisfied"

I'm not sure what they're implying here, but it seems kind of suspect. Just give me some lean cuisines with no funny stuff, ok? Thanks Jeremy.