"Fred's" Barbecue

Actually, Fred sold it, now it's Geraldine's but that would have required a bigger sign. Thanks Dave.

"inconvenience"

These folks are not impressed by your streetlight related problems. Thanks Devon.

Accurate.

I guess this is correct. I mean, I didn't know "cleaned apples" was code for Bananas, but I buy it. But they should probably employ this guy. Thanks Rick.

Needs more quotation marks

Submitter Mara teaches English at the High School where these signs are posted at the gym. I assume this means that whatever fake sports are going on there aren't to be taken seriously.

Keep "Completely" Closed

Rarely has a word in quotation marks been so directly contradicted by the quotation marks as "completely." I guess at, like, the molecular level you can never be completely closed. Thanks Peter.

"Close" the door

I guess the door can be kind of angled in the direction of closed-ness. Thanks Gary.

"Judges" only

I guess a judgmental attitude is good enough. Thanks Natasha.

"Civilian Friendly"

Jacques spotted this in Ghana. I am not sure this is a kind of "friendship" I want to test...

Please "Do Not" Remove

Dean spotted this in an airport, that actually doesn't care if you take their magazines on the plane I guess.

"Let me know"

I guess this is the hint for fellow users of esperanto or semaphore? Or maybe it's the title of a song about transactions. Thanks Chris.

Mmm "wedding cake"

I think you should definitely do this sketchy wedding reception situation. Doesn't seem risky at all. Thanks Diana.

nothing confidential here...

Submitter Don used innovative finger technology to block out the name of the company on this sign. A company that totally "doesn't" keep its confidential documents in this cabinet.

Available "Here"

I don't see any tires (or tyres?) so I guess it's not exactly where the sign is. Thanks Tom.

"Not Very Smart"

Ok, in this case, it may be a euphemism for what they actually wanted to say. But the contempt just barely under the surface here is pretty funny. Thanks Nilsson.

"One" Coffee

You're right, sign. "One" coffee is a totally ambiguous measurement for liquid. Thanks Phoebe.

"Gluten-Free" Headquarters

The rise of gluten free eating seems to correspond with the rise of questionable gluten-free stuff on this blog. Here's another. Thanks Don.

Or is it?

I mean, we're not saying it's served to you RIGHT NOW you probably have to order it first. Thanks Jim.

"No Alcohol"

I guess you can get it at the real self checkout. Thanks John.

"Canadian" Lobster

Is this like when you were in middle school and said you had a girlfriend but she's "Canadian" (i.e. imaginary)? Thanks Adam.

Update: my husband suggests this might have something to do with this.

Weird Al "Word Crimes"

Fans of this blog might enjoy this new Weird Al parody video. He mentions quotation marks for emphasis near the end.

"3" transactions

I guess as long as you SAY you're doing three transactions, you're in the clear. Thanks Jeff.

Please bribe the cashier

You visitors need to "see the cashier" about some of our special, cash-only gas taxes. For you. Thanks Tim.

Some day, I guess

You know, this one leaves a lot of room for interpretation. What day? Does little league count? Thanks Nancy & Martin.

Most ages welcome

If you are 9 and 1/4 get out of here. Everybody else is cool. Thanks Ken.

You will look "better"

I think this sign is calling you ugly. Thanks Miriam.

"effective"

One can only hope they are trying not to overpromise here... Thanks Claire.

Suuuuure

I don't know who's being "helped" here, but something about this makes me skeptical. Thanks Liz.

"Savings" you say?

I don't know how you could be not really saving but only sometimes, but there you have it. Thanks Jason.

"Hot" foods

Stolen? Thanks David.

"Ground Fresh" Daily

I don't know what kind of "grinding" activity they are doing, but I think I'll stay away from it. Thanks John.

"Wheelchair" visitors

Looks like somebody missed the lesson on person-first language and just threw some quotation marks on there. Or it's for people with invisible wheelchairs? Thanks Jake.

"Refund Policy"

This is a little song and dance we call "to our valued customers" about our lack of a refund policy. Thanks Joshua.