I doubt it

Something tells me you won't be caught? Although who knows what kind of private eye is behind the moniker "housekeeping". Thanks Leon.

What's "Oat-meal"?

I'm guessing they serve some gross gruel-type food every day. Thanks Noam.

If salt loses its saltiness...

I wonder what they really sell. Sand? Thanks Noam.

Here-adjacent?

I guess if you put your glass right where the word is, they would fall and probably break, so "here" is better. Thanks Darren.

Try our "New" Topping

I guess it's really just the same old topping with a new nickname? Thanks Hector.

No "coffee" here

Submitter David writes, "Found this in a sandwichshop in Hong Kong. I wonder if they have a lot of customers come in and order an ironic cup of coffee."

Greeeeeat

Sounds... "Great." Thanks Jameson.

Ask about our "Gluten Free" menu

See, we have one menu for regular, one for people who have a gluten allergy, and a "gluten free" menu for people who don't even know what gluten is but think it's bad for you. Thanks Adam.

Where to "discard"

Submitter Ian tells us, "I found this sign with a shredder. Strangely, it was already in an electronics recycling bin." I don't know what's going on with that, but if you think about the word "discard" a lot it gets weird fast.

"BOAT"

My mom spotted this one. I wonder what kind of "boats" these are. Maybe they just stay on the shore.

No "Cigarette" smoking

Just because it's called the "Green" room doesn't mean it's for smoking marijuana, guys. Thanks Aunt Linda!

"Large" Claw

That's what he thinks anyway. Thanks Brenda.

"no volume"

I guess there's a song about a silent tv they want you to remember. Thanks Jeffrey.

sounds "hopeful"

What's better, regular despair, or "hope?"  Thanks Kelley and Angi.

At the "Library"

I guess the parking rules here are more flexible than they want you to think. Thanks Sam.

"A Gift Shop"

I don't know, calling yourself "A Gift Shop" is pretty modest already, I don't know how lousy of gifts your stuff has to be to put it in quotation marks. Is it, like, hygiene items? Thanks Erika.

"Do Not"

I guess there's some flexibility in what you actually do with the paper towels. Thanks Jessica.

More typo based humor

If you're into additional grammar and punctuation based joking around, check out this very active facebook group. They post some quotation marks stuff from time to time as well, and will also enjoy other kinds of errors folks sometimes send me, such as apostrophe mistakes, homonym errors, whatever.

"promotional material"

Maybe the makers of these promos are trying to cast doubt to get you to actually look at the material. Thanks Chris.

For certain values of "soon"

I wonder if the marketplace will ever show up at all, or if it will just take an outrageous amount of time (kind of like it takes for me to post submissions on this blog -- sorry everyone! I wonder if there's a marketplace there now). Thanks Matthew.

"Reopen"

I guess there is some kind of barbershop closing code going on here. Maybe some of them are extra secret code names for haircuts. Thanks Lindsey.

"Fire Alarm"

I guess this one's a decoy? Thanks Alex.

Real "Italians"

This photo was taken in Australia, so maybe the cooks are Italian-Australian. Or maybe they are wearing Mario and Luigi outfits? Thanks Julian.

"charities" eh?

I wonder if "Charities in our local community" is the name of the dubious fund. Thanks Jake.

"Fresh Squeezed" you say?

I am now imagining some flight attendants with a bushel of oranges and a juicer in that tiny kitchen area in the front of the plane. Maybe these quotation marks are accurate. Thanks Justin.

"No Exceptions"

This is a real wink-winker, I think. Thanks Denise.

Beware of "Cat"

I can only wonder what kind of mountain lion/tiger/dragon they have that they are calling "Cat." Thanks Esther.

Absolutely "none"

Dorie spotted this in an NYC cab. I guess a little eating or drinking, if you keep it subtle, is A-ok.