Allegedly for use?

Probably best to use these lights in a place that is neither indoors nor outdoors. I don't know, like a screened in porch. Thanks Matthew.

With bonus apostrophe

This is because, I assume, the writer prefers to call them submarines or grinders? Thanks Jack.

"Dark" Coffee

I guess the darkness of coffee is a figment of your imagination? Thanks Micah.

Allegedly "Scrumptious"

This is making me realize that "Scrumptious" doesn't mean much... Thanks Martin.

"Diabetic Friendly"

I guess it's not really THAT friendly. Thanks Micah.

Fake McDonald's

Yeah, I'm gonna go with don't eat here. If the quotation marks don't get you, the health code violations might... Thanks Curtis.

"Saturday"

The crab festival is really all the time.... in your heart. Thanks Bridget.

Kids eat "Free"

Sorry kids, best learn now, no such thing as a free lunch. Thanks Rimpy.

Sounds legit

Maybe "Taste and quality" is a code for melted cheese? Actually that doesn't sound too bad. Thanks Jason.

It is a "MUST"

I seriously thought "TARP" was an acronym. Maybe they're all acronyms? Thanks David.

We "Do Not" Accept refunds

(Click to enlarge) I wonder what kind of refunds they "do not" accept here. Thanks Pascal.

"Online Services"

I wonder if it's poor service or not really online? Thanks Duncan.

Annual Gift Reminder

If somebody on your list might enjoy some punctuation-based humor this Christmas, here are some links to buy the book based on this blog from a few different online retailers. Thanks as always to my wonderful readers for visiting the site and sending me your amazing pictures.

"U.S. Mail"

Look out for this "mail" vehicle that is definitely not full of spies. Thanks Michael.

"No" Parking

So, wait, can I park here? I think I should definitely park here. Thanks to The Nuclear Lion.

Allegedly

I mean, we aren't saying that we are manufacturers, or that these woolens are "fine." We're just repeating what other people have said. Thanks Tim.

Tarte "Maurice"

Submitter Scott quips, "In Paris, labelling pseudo-homemade as such may be the law, for all I know. But I'm worried about the existential doubt surrounding Maurice."

Fake polite coffee

I guess "please" is a code for the insult they wanted to write. Thanks Georgian.

For "Customers"

I guess you can use these if you pretend to be buying something. Thanks Kate.

"All Beers"

I guess just the beers they sell there, not, like, ALL the beers. Thanks Jonathan.

Yeah, that's safer

I mean, unless your fence comes with mind control, I feel like at least somebody is going to be all "don't tell me what to do!" so those quotation marks make it a little more... true. Thanks Greg.

If you say so

Dude, do you help people get real babies, or do you just give them a realistic doll and hope they don't notice? Thanks Tina.

"Not a Fire Exit"

In the event of a fire, parse this punctuation! Thanks James.

Sounds "Credible"

Terri got this postcard in the mail. I think we can all agree the photo is the best part of this, but I also like to believe that "Discussion Topics To Include" is a really terrible slogan, that they repeat for other events.

"American Express"

I guess they don't take fake credit cards. How dare they. Thanks Brett.

An optimist might say...

Also 50% on? Thanks David.

"Veggie" Burger

Oh man, this has me in an existential crisis about whether Quinoa is a veggie. Thanks Melissa.

"Scary" Indeed

Sue sent me a picture of her own halloween dish towels. Although, to be fair, I think I'd feel ok running into these in a dark alley.

Super Fun, everybody

So I wonder where you actually have to go for these activities? Thanks Mister Christer.

Fake Holiday

I guess this store is celebrating fake holidays now? Thanks Anabella.

"Open to the Public"

I guess it depends on your definition of Public? Thanks Justin.

Turn "Off" Lights

Just do whatever with the lights. Turn them. Somehow. Thanks Joanna.

"Poison"

You know, I'd just avoid swallowing this one regardless of the ambiguity. Thanks Tom.

"reluctantly"

Ok, these punctuators knew exactly what they were doing, but I love it so I'm posting it. Thanks Lloyd.

"Closed" you say?

I mean, obviously, open to cool people. Thanks Kevin.

Doors will be "Locked"

I guess they will mime locking them? Thanks Megan.

allegedly

I guess whoever made this sign thinks you might have another reason to be cautious. Thanks Bob.

"Fresh" Fillets

Well, I guess it's not flopping around. Thanks Andrew.

Thank You "Jesus"

I guess this thank you is just for whoever. Thanks Nancy.

"Basement Only"

I don't know man, this kind of looks like the ground level? Just put some quotation marks on there. Thanks David.

It's "Strict"

They totally "enforce" this lock time. "Strictly." Thanks John.

Want "stress free"?

I'm guessing the implication here is that the source of Christmas stress is not the cooking? Thanks Owen.

"Turn Off" Fans

I guess if you, like, floss in front of them that'll do it. Thanks Sarah.

Quotation Marks in spain

Submitter Jim translates the above sign:

DO NOT DISPOSE GARBAGE
"ON THE FLOOR"
YOUR CHILDREN'S HEALTH
"FIRST".

 I guess your children's health might be, like, third. Thanks Jim!

Made regular for you

It's made in the normal way. We didn't do anything creepy to your pizza. Probably. Thanks Jack.

"Linerbags" and stuff

Clearly, the "rubberband" is the most important fake thing in this note on a trashcan, but not the only fake or important thing. Thanks citizenjaq.

Please "Lock" "Door"

More bathroom codes or something. Mime locking near the door? Thanks Joy.

Not such a good deal?

I'm going to assume that first one is a really subtle reference to this. Thanks Douglas.

Pull "Gently"

You know, just grab that sucker however you want. Thanks Doug.

"Stop" it

I guess this is some complex bathroom code, I have no idea what you're really supposed to do with toilet paper. Thanks Chris.

"Domingos"

I wonder what fake Sundays this store is open on? Thanks Christopher.