sometimes fresh and good?

I guess these donuts are not as consistent as they'd like them to be. Thanks Adam.

A great "deal"

So, what, it's not a deal at all? Thanks Owen.

"new" and "faster"

Get ready for some old slow card readers! Thanks Jordan.

mmm "fresh meal"

Sohan explains that this came from a gas station, so open and closed on that one I guess.

touch this "rock"

Julien clarifies that this is a fake museum rock, but that makes it all the more perplexing that you are invited to touch it.

Look "behind you"

I like the way these quotation marks make the whole message seem ominous. Thanks Tory.

"Coming Soon"

Clearly only true for some definitions of "soon." Thanks Marianne.

It's "Illegal"

I guess it's, like, semi-legal. Thanks Jessica.

"organic" strawberries

I guess it's "organic" in the sense that it is carbon-based. Thanks Robbie.

Ring "Once"

I guess you have to ring it a lot of times. Just keep ringing it. That will definitely work out for you. Thanks Jon.

"Quality" Installations

These pool service folks sure have a lot of borderline modifiers going for them. Thanks Sarah.

"always" open

I guess the Sheetz kitchen is open from time to time. Thanks Jessica.

secret code deli

You know, sometimes, I really don't know what people think they are communicating. Thanks Ashley.

We have "easter" "bread"

The timing of this photo reveals how far behind I am on reviewing submissions, but it's too good to leave off. I guess you really should "stop in" at this place for something bread-ish for a day near but not on Easter. Thanks Jon.

"Massage Special"

Submitter Patrick informs me that this sign was only posted for one day before it was replaced with a less well-designed but quotation-mark-free version. So obviously someone told them about the power of euphemism.

"No One Gets Hurt Today"

Oh man, I love the workplace safety song, "no one gets hurt today." Thanks Bee.

Make "Children" Happy

Yeah, the money you donate to this thing is definitely going to "children." Thanks Darby.

fake beverages

If I were you, I'd avoid ordering "Cofee" at this place. Thanks Melanie.

Well, okay then

Keep your alcohol or fake alcohol inside, or something. Wink wink. Thanks Zoe.

not responsible for "Valet Parking"

You know, very few of these submissions fill me with confidence, but I have to say, If I saw this one, I'd be finding my own parking. Thanks Federico.

Wait to be "Seated"

I wonder what kind of "seating" is available on the "Patio." Thanks Noel.

"Catfish"

Submitter Wayne tells me his friend Leonard spotted this one in a gas station. I think we all agree, gas station "catfish" is suspect.

"refreshments"

Refreshments is such an ambiguous word anyway, I can't tell if quotation marks means you get, like, one cracker or a multi-course meal. Thanks Luke.