Try to close "door"

I wonder what you really need to close? Your mouth (zing!)? Thanks Jack.

Wait impatiently

If you pace back and forth in the region of the sign, does that constitute "waiting"? Thanks Trev.

More suspect meat

You know, if it's got some, like, mushrooms and onions in there, that's cool with me. Thanks Mike.

"Food Bank"

This is definitely the snarkiest charity I have ever encountered. Thanks Deborah.

"hot" bread

Submitter Ben wonders if this bread is actually stolen.

"written in stone"

I like this because 1) skymall. 2) it reminds me of my favorite genre of cake wrecks. See this one, this one and this one, complete with quotation marks.

Thanks Brad!

"escenas" amorosas

Submitter Rachel explains:   this was taken at the restaurant connected to a hotel we stayed at in Costa Rica. My tour guide blushed when she told me it means Love "Scene"' Prohibited - in English it would be something like No "PD"A.

"out of cups"

The email Chris sent me with this picture was so great, I will paste the whole thing here:

The only message this machine quotes at us from time to time.

The kicker though, is that if you turn it off and on again at the wall it concedes defeat and does give you one of its precious cups after all, so maybe those quotes are not actually so unnecessary!

you are asked "not to smoke"

Extra points for use of the word whilst, and waffling about what it means to "not smoke." Thanks Tobey.

"made for you"

Just kidding, it was made for somebody else, but I guess you can eat it. Thanks Melissa.

if you call that service

I guess the "service" here isn't that great. Thanks Paul.

Dear "Valued" Customer

You can tell how much they "value" the customers at this place. Thanks Sandra.

As a side note, I'm curious why these receipt or your order is free policies exist. Is it to make sure employees actually put the sales into the register where it is recorded? Does anybody know?

"life preservers"

Like submitter Cari, I hope that's actually what's in there.

"Cuban" food

I wonder what ethnicity the food really is. Thanks Amy.

"wear" underpants

Look, I don't know what kind of zen one uses to wear underwear without wearing it, but this whole thing is awesome. Thanks Sue.

Wait, which of these are euphemisms?

I mean "customers confort" obviously is a euphemism, but the rest of this stuff, I'm a little confused. Thanks Susie.

Have a "Coke"

I guess you can have one of any number of colas, or, if you are in some parts of the country, any carbonated beverage. Thanks Zach.

You'll bring your mother-in-law

I like the idea of mother-in-law-bringing as a measure of quality so much I don't even care about what once tasting in quotation marks is. Thanks Carla.

"Old" cell phones

Ok, I'll give these guys a break, because an "old" cell phone is probably newer than most of the stuff I happily keep and continue to use. Thanks Micah.

Beer-ish beverages

I guess what they really have is something approximating beer. Thanks Laura.

"Free" copy

That's right, kids. Both "Free" and complimentary. Thanks David.