Get "Paid"

This "opportunity" is "totally" "not" a scam. You should "look into it." Thanks Daniel.

sorry I'm not sorry?

I guess it's hard to be too sorry you're popular. "Sorry" guys, we're just so busy with all the people loving us. It's going to take a few "mts." You know, mountains. Thanks Brian.

"Child Friendly area"

Keep your kids far, far away from this place, which I can only assume is like the candy cottage in the Hansel and Gretel story. Thanks James.

NFL "Quarterback"

Is this guy a back-up quarterback or something? Maybe the writer thinks there is a more formal term for "Quarterback" that he or she should be using? Thanks Justine.

Helping "The Homeless"

Is "Homeless" a term we're not allowed to use unironically anymore? Also, something about a flame. Thanks Jessica.

"kettle corn"

Get ready for something gross that maybe resembles kettle corn? Side note, Kettle Corn when you expect salty popcorn is startling, I bet the opposite is true as well. Thanks Jonathan.

Well, of course

I like this one because I  am really uncertain what it is supposed to mean. Maybe it's a new pop song I don't know about. Thanks Alan.

You are "Here"

I guess "here" is a relative term? Thanks Dana.

At the "Hulk Hogan" restaurant

I was so excited when this submission came in, I had to post it right away because 1) fake Hulk Hogan 2) connection to one of the awesome segments (Hulk Hogan News) on one of my favorite podcasts (Stop Podcasting Yourself). Thanks Zoe.

"You" are on camera

I guess really it's your evil twin on the camera. No big deal. Thanks Kerry.

For Customers "Only"

I wonder what kind of "restrooms" they have going here. Thanks Joel.

"complete and professional"

Yeah, that messy kid and the quotation marks are really working together to make me trust these people with paint. Thanks Candice.

"With Integrity"

Nothing says trustworthy like integrity in quotation marks. Thanks Ravi.

"yard" "sale"

I guess it's neither a sale, nor in a yard. Garage display? Thanks Charlotte.

"locked" vehicles

I guess if you pretend to lock it that's good enough. Thanks Angel.

Fraud system

It's a "new system" called white collar crime! Thanks Margaret.

It's ok if it's just "dirty"

"Dirty" laundry is obviously clothes you wore once but it's neither stained nor stinky, right? That's totally cool on the cart. You can tell, because the Spanish version is quotation-mark-free on both counts. Thanks Doug.

(also, sorry for lack of posts this week. New semester, overwhelmed, finding a new rhythm.)

"crepes"

This sign raises for me a very important question: what is the difference between a crepe and a tortilla? Thanks Kathryne.

"your" car will be towed

Oh, you borrowed that car? Still towed, buddy. Thanks Kev.