build a "wrap"

 

I had no idea the definition of "wrap" was so restrictive. Thanks Poindexter.

Free "meal"

Get ready for some really excellent birthday peanut butter toast.

Thanks Ron.

wait, whose jeans?

I don't really understand what's happening here, but I think it has to do with this. Thanks Nick.

"no" longer "free"

Ok, some of this paper I guess still costs the same? That cost being "free"? Thanks Miles.

Or for... you...

Inga saw this in Berlin and says it translates to "Flowers for 'her.'" Clearly a shop for men who are actually just buying flowers for themselves. It's cool to like flowers, dudes.


(Editor's note: I'm doing a two-step cross-country move this summer. If posting becomes sporadic, please forgive me. I'll do my best to keep up and work ahead if I'll be without internet for a few days.)

"American" or whatever

I had to look it up to see where John Wayne was born, but it looks like it's Iowa. Maybe he did something in his life to lead whoever made this statue to question his American bona fides. Thanks Isma.

"hot" oatmeal

I guess this oatmeal is more lukewarm. Thanks Joel.

Quotation marks: endorsed

Assuming that "City" Block is this guy's nickname, I not only believe these quotation marks are acceptable, but also that he has the greatest nickname, possibly, of all time. Thanks Jessica.

"exceptional" office space

I think the relevant question is, the exception to what? Thanks Kenny.

"give-a-way"

I guess this air conditioner is a gift that keeps on taking. Thanks Stephanie.

Take "1"

Oh, you know, one-ish. Three if you're special. And you know YOU are special. Thanks Laura.

Open "slowly"

I believe this sign is meant to imply the following: please use an exaggerated slow-motion movement to open the door. Thanks William.

Dads like punctuation too

Another reminder for Father's day. The Book of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks makes a great gift! Now also available in Kindle edition.  If your dad already has a copy of my book, I made a pinboard with some other punctuation related gift ideas for your reference. Not all are appropriate for a dad, but some definitely are. Enjoy!

"Easter" "bread"

I didn't know that Easter bread without quotation marks was a thing. Maybe these folks made it up? Thanks Michael.

You know, the "bathroom"

I wouldn't leave your items anywhere, just to be safe. Thanks Elinor.

Maybe not you in particular

I mean, there's pretty thin parameters under which a person considers catching a catfish "being successful" so.... Thanks Benjamin.

Accidental theme day

So this one time, I got two photos in the same day with the word "please" in quotation marks and horses. So I had to post them both. Because horses hate sincere politeness. Thanks Robyn.

Fake polite horse

1) this horse has writing on his bum. 2) that writing includes fake politeness. That is all. Thanks Aurora.

uh, ok

I can't even make a good joke about this, because I am so baffled. Thanks Andy.

"one" per "table"

Well, that is an unlikely deal for a sushi roll... Thanks Matson.

"Free Range" Pork

Yeah, check out "our farm" with the pigs running around. On the range! Those are the ones that are here. For sure. Thanks Sarah.

Fresh Baked "Bagels"

Ok, more like a roll with a hole in it. Thanks Lauren.

big-ish

Who knows when, where, or how big this garage sale is! Thanks Jordan.

It's the "best"

Submitter Justin explains: By "best," they mean most expensive.

"It's Greet to me"

I really think the key here is they got the pun wrong, and I don't think it was on purpose. So that's fun. Thanks Katie.

order "fish and chips"

Since this sign is telling people to queue, I'm guessing it's really in the UK, but something else is a little off about the fish and chips. Thanks Richard.

"Opening" soon

I guess their idea of "opening" might be different from yours. Thanks Jessica.

"rules"

I guess they don't take these rules so seriously. But they have ten nonetheless. Thanks Eric.

"enjoy" them

I wonder who's multigrain pancakes these really are. Thanks Daryl.

get ready for sing-talking

This looks like a cd I would "enjoy." Thanks Chris.

"Health Coach"

I don't think even Dr. Bazos takes this "Health Coach" thing all that seriously. Thanks Meredith.

"preventive care"

Pro tip: once you see a bug, you are no longer preventing their presence. Thanks Sarah.

"watch" for pedestrians

A cursory glance will do. Thanks Sydney.

With "cash" only

I guess counterfeit money is totally cool. Thanks Cade.

"Womens" Volleyball

I guess they really won all volleyball. Thanks Helga.

"Save water"

I'm not sure what they really want you to do. Thanks Niko.

In No Way Convenient

I get the sense that someone thinks this whole think is incredibly inconvenient. Thanks Jacqueline.

The "money drop"

This place is definitely "only" for "use" as a "laundry." Thanks Carl.

Feigned patience good enough

Click to enlarge, the bumper sticker implores others to "be patient." I guess if you want to go all road rage, do so at your own risk. Thanks Michael.

Uh huh. "Free" you say.

Submitter Annalisa writes, "I don't know why but I'd be careful when going in to ask for details!!"

Your mom likes punctuation!

With mother's day approaching, I thought I'd remind you all that I made a punctuation-themed gift guide on pinterest.  I don't benefit from any of those sales, but if you want to click my affiliate links and get your mom a book based on this very blog, I might get some change out of the deal.

"friend of the youth"

I guess they are optimistic that some youths might want to be friends with them. Thanks Angie.

or, uh, use it at your own risk?

Yeah, we'd love to see you try to use this broken table for something. Why don't you line up some cream pies and banana peels? Thanks Vanessa.

"no sugar added"

1) Candy is made out of sugar, so what does it mean to not "add" any? 2) Who would want candy without sugar? Thanks Richard.