it's the "Best" brittle

I guess it's not that great. Thanks, Brian K.

Building uses "Video"

So, non-working video cameras. Which may or may not be monitored. Thanks PittCaleb.

free in a manner of speaking

Really it's more like included. Thanks, Eric.

"patient education"

Just kidding. This is neither educational nor for patients. Thanks Boots.

Donuts made "fresh"

Can you make donuts stale? I guess if you're the same old owner. Thanks Dennis.

open secret

I guess this recipe isn't that big of a secret. Thanks Adam.

"bathroom deal"

Well. That sounds... sketchy. Thanks Jules.

here is the "entrance"

Just kidding, you cannot access the tamales sale. Thanks Janeanne.

mysterious "sympathy"

Here's what submitter Victoria told me about this card, which is probably some kind of code about the occult or something:

I received a sympathy card in the mail at my work place, and the photo below is the contents of the card.  The front of the card simply said "Sympathy" on it in gold script and the envelope's return address was a local public library.  We've been speculating for a couple of weeks now as to the meaning of the card, but whomever sent it is a huge, huge fan of using quotation marks in inappropriate ways.  This card is like a user's manual on different circumstances in which not to use quotes, and the mysterious message makes it all the more compelling.

"guilt" free

"Guilt" must be a new code word for carbohydrates or something. Thanks Brian.

we're "serious"

This no smoking thing has "no" "exceptions." Thanks Matt.

"still" lending

Maybe they weren't lending before. Thanks Kenny.

wait here for a so-called "table"

I guess insiders at this restaurant have their own names for things you plebes call a "sushi bar" or "table" or "take out." Thanks Jared.

"cafe bravo"

Who knows what this place is or what they are selling. Thanks Margot.

or whenever

Submitter Laura points out that while the time limit might be flexible, the no refund policy is serious.

ah, for "credit cards"

Good to know this is a place where you can use your imaginary credit card. As long as it's for more than $5.00. Thanks Zach.

"Boston's" largest selection

I guess this store is actually in the Boston AREA. Thanks Ari.

Only "original" coupons

These signs are "very" "serious." Thanks Andy.

"television"

I guess what you're looking at here is a very important work-related screen-tool. Thanks Heather.

"your style" IS what counts

Submitter Jessie explains: "I found this in a children's book called Disco Dancing that I found at a library sale." So that's wonderful.

mmm "sushi"

I guess this sushi isn't very good. Thanks Carl.

Tree bundles

Ok, I have no idea what this sign is about, which makes me love it and its ambiguous counting all the more. Thanks Ryan.

some "special" food

I don't know what sounds "better," the "mac and cheese" or the "metaloaf" sandwich. Thanks Ayal.

do not "slam" the door

This is some serious quotation mark density. Who knows what you are supposed to do or not do! Thanks Janet and Paul.

No choice

Once you are in a situation to need toilet paper, you're probably not in a position to be picky, but good job "choosing" well. Thanks Greta.

Some words that mean cheap

So I guess these books are all full price? Thanks Pamela.

Not so sorry

We haven't seen a lot of fake polite lately, so here's one. Thanks Nathan.

take what you "eat"

I guess you can finish this food in other ways besides eating it? Thanks Kaylyn.

"the" plunger

Really, the advertising on this plunger is pretty much the best thing ever. Thanks Meredith in Ontario.

these are all words

Damion saw this in Rome. I guess they really just want to call to mind the terms "quality" "service" and "courtesy."

"Open" for lunch and dinner

Submitter Jeff suggests they are actually a money laundering joint.

or so you claim

"Suzanne" uses this name in her email too, but maybe it's her pharmacy stage name.

"Product of U.S.A."

I wonder where this stuff is really made. Thanks Bridgette.

"times clean and tidy"

Julie informs me that this school sign is from Namibia, and they have since fixed the couches element, but not the quotation marks.

it's law adjacent

I guess it's not quite the law. Thanks David.

Free "photo" inspection

They might probably get undersold. By the person whose prices are actually the lowest ever. Thanks Susan.

"no bad days"

Submitter Ken writes, "As I'm posing with my new convertible, I'm realizing there's no way in the world that I could possibly have a bad day.  Especially if I stay really close to this sign."

"Joanna's" catering

Submitter Justin suggests that Joanna is a stage name.

school board code

I don't know when this meeting is, what you should do if you want to do something resembling speaking, etc. Thanks Ian.

from the "Kosher" bakery

I guess this is the same old items for non-practicing Jews trying to appease their mothers. Thanks Rebecca.

"carefully"

I guess you don't have to use that much care. Thanks Michael.

Or thereabouts

I guess this price is negotiable. Thanks Justin.

Use these "free" bags

Ok, I'll accept the euphemism, I guess, but I wonder how you wind up paying for the bags. Thanks Diane.

"giant" is relative

I guess these sea scallops aren't big enough to make a comical photograph. Thanks Jessica.

"new owner"

It's almost as if the owner was a brand new person, turned over a new leaf! Thanks Kelli.

Our internet is "out"

Just to be clear, the internet is not, like, out on the town. At least, we don't think it is. Thanks Charlie.

"Organic" Grown Tomatoes

I think I see an apostrophe in there too. Anyway, I wonder how these tomatoes were really grown. Thanks Oli.

please "tell a friend"

I can only assume this is coded directions for how to get some kind of illegal service. Or get paid for your positive yelp review? Thanks Amber.