or it's shining maybe?

I'm going to go ahead and assume that whoever drew this in a hospital elevator belongs to the ironic religion practiced at this church. Thanks, John.

"sea lice" eh?

I can only assume that "Sea Lice" is the local term for creepy dudes who stand around and leer at you. Thanks, Matt.

coins decended from immigrants?

I guess these arcade games are skeptical about the citizenship of your coins, but they still take them. Thanks, Heather.

These Dutch Words are Awesome

Daan translated this from Dutch:

"coffee" 

with 

"apple pie"

and 

"whipped cream"

€ 4,00

 

Who knows what they are really serving, but I sure want to learn Dutch now, because then I can eat Appelgebak. Or alleged Appelgebak.

not the chef's actual plate

I almost (ALMOST) want to give this one a pass because it clarifies that the "Chef's Dinner" is not stealing what the Chef was eating when he isn't looking. Because that would be both mean and kind of gross.

from the "creamery"

Heaven only knows how they actually cook this stuff, or if they cook it at all. Actually, with the milkshakes, uncooked is fine.

As somebody said

This sign is supplying you with the words you want to say? maybe? Thanks, Christopher.

mega "sincere" menu

Everything on this menu has an adjective that is "accurate" and "meaningful." Thanks Jim!

"we care" ish

Your Honda dealer has a "sincere" concern for your safety and well-being. Thanks, Meredith.

Unspecified liquidy stuff?

We just pureed some random stuff, and called it "soup." Thanks, Dave.

Pretend Bowling

I have so many amazing ideas what kind of "bowling" they have in mind. Thanks, Eric.

not really poor?

I know I'm a month late on this one, but apparently Fox News believes you can't have a refrigerator to be considered REALLY poor. Never mind how empty or full it is. More commentary from Jon Stewart. Thanks for submitting, Chris.

in a manner of speaking

This company is local in the sense that it functions locally? By picking up your trash? Thanks Erin!

"Notice" to "All Fishermen"

This must be some type of important fishing code. Submitter Tim is concerned that they have used up all of the quotation marks.

or whatever

We aren't really trying to warn you. Burgle away, see what happens. Thanks, Laura.

The "Fish" Shanty

I wonder what they really serve. Thanks, Nick.

more "sorry"

The person who ate all the chocolate ice cream is not sorry in the least. Thanks, Kyle.

Every "Wednesday"

Whenever we feel like closing, it's "Wednesday!" Also, if any of you can read the characters above the English, please confirm that it says the same thing with the same red underlines. Thanks, Liza.

I don't even know...

Several people emailed me last month about a letter from FL Congressman Allen West (R) in response to concerns about Islamophobia. I'm not sure what his intended meaning was, or what the quotation marks do, besides emphasize the BoingBoing conclusion: possibly the dumbest thing ever written on congressional stationary.

It's "Freshly-brewed"

Well, I mean, it was fresh when we brewed it. We brewed it in a fresh manner. Thanks, Fred.

"while you can"

I don't know if something is going to happen to you or the oranges, and who this sign is quoting about it, but I agree with submitter Brittany that it's ominous.

But about journalism

I tend to leave headlines out of it when I do this blog, for a couple of reasons. Sometimes the author is just following a convention, and other times they are actually quoting someone's opinion, as they say in the article, and want to distance the impartial journalistic tone from a loaded term. Nonetheless, I fully support the critique of weird and unnecessary scare quotes in op eds, found in New York Magazine, here. Thanks for the headsup, Chris!

actually, you know, all dogs

If you are the dog-sitter, also clean up. Thanks, Karryn.

"No Diving Allowed"

Maybe these sign-makers are thinking if you're willing to dive into a shallow pool, you can go right ahead. Thanks, Allison.

"Only" for "August"

I guess you can expect random closings, indefinitely. And perfunctory apologies as well. Thanks, Amber.

indistinguishable beers

I hope that the exact same thing is in both of these coolers. And I hope that thing is, like, PBR. Thanks, Rob.

a "cat" or something

The layers of irony and surprise in this sign are just too much for me. Imaginary cats! Trading for humans! I can't take it! Thanks, Brooks.

how do you really use it?

I guess these are some tongue-in-cheek instructions for this machine. Thanks, Brian.

Drinking water "only"

I'm not sure what makes this water reserved for drinking, especially if you have to boil it. Thanks, Alex.

So, um, I'm not sure what they are in fact selling, looks like metal disks with quotations printed on them? Or proverbs even? So, uh, quotation marks authorized. Thanks, Mark.

Show your "appreciation"

I think here "appreciation" means "resentment money in response to this guilt trip that is posted in the BATHROOM at the COUNTY FAIR." Thanks, Bryan.

"reno" work

"Reno" here is a fun nickname for renovation. Except for the part where it isn't fun. Thanks, James.

pro-bono copy editing

Julianna actually talked to this fruit vendor and fixed the sign. She did not mention why the vendor thought the quotations (and apostrophe) were a good idea in the first place, but I commend her on her people and editing skills.

"cheap" you say?

Submitter George helpfully explains that uplift is Scottish for pickup, so this trash removal service is not actually cheap, but apparently really is better than hiring a Skip. Whatever that means.

Come in and "browse"

Jen saw this at Cracker Barrel. I'm not sure what the quotation marks are supposed to do here, perhaps it's a failed apple/apple browse/web-browser pun. Or maybe they really expect you to "buy."

Oh do "you"

Erin and family spotted this one at an amusement park, which explains why handstamps are even a thing, but it does not explain who the "we" who accept them is, or if it's enough to get you on the train. Maybe just not enough to get you kicked off.

Knock "loud"

I guess if the mailman thinks it's loud enough then it is. Thanks, Nick.

More like regular size

I guess if you're looking for a moderately sized turkey leg, and are trying to get rid of $9, this is your place. Thanks, Justin.

So you say

So I'm not sure what this Bait & Tackle place is a front for, but clearly something. Or maybe, given the un-quoted ampersand, TWO somethings. Thanks David.

"fries" or whatever

My friend Nick spotted this at the Ohio State Fair. I guess with all that stuff on top, you can barely find the fries, it's like they don't exist (or mater).

Build with imaginary steel!

Yes, "steel" it's much cheaper, because it's pretend! Only very smart people can see it, I mean. Like you, of course, you can see it right? Thanks, Joe.

You know, "purchased"

So, um, if somebody else purchased it, will you pretend to sign it? Thanks, Geoff.

most typical post ever?

This one just warms my heart because I see a high number of signs that are "sorry" about something, and also a shocking number of things on official home depot stationary. And this is both. Thanks, David.

"no critters allowed"

They are "so serious" about how much they don't want you to use this door. Thanks, Lucas.

"hot & fresh" eh?

I'm trying to imagine some other way for things to be baked, and I'm running into trouble here. Maybe they take old ingredients and then burn them to a crisp? Thanks, Keith.

mmm "wines"

Looks like somebody is serving up a wide range of two buck chuck and barefoot. Thanks, Erica.

"insurance" eh?

Greg posted this ad and shared it with me. I love everything about it, pretty much, but the idea that a silly cigarette holder is "insurance" but not really seems somewhat... apropos?

uh... me?

Either the egg is really friends with some other people, or the sign-maker believes the wording should be "me." Thanks, Bouwman family.

Where is it?

I wonder where this coffee shop really is? Just outside Watauga? Thanks, N.

it's way expensive

I'm not sure who the price here is "good" for. The customer, or the cleaner? Perhaps neither, and hence the quotation marks? Thanks, Devin.

if they feed themselves that's another matter

So if I give them some alka seltzer.... that's ok? Thanks, Jessica.

for "emergencies"

I guess this number works for pseudo-emergencies as well. Thanks, Andrew.