"advisement"

Not so much a warning as a suggestion to do something interesting. Like pretend you are re-enacting the movie Speed. Thanks, Ben.

maybe a grimace

I wonder what comes with the tree, and if it's any kind of expression. Thanks, Michael.

that's not creepy

Taylor writes, "My husband spotted this at Starbucks, and warned me if I saw this dog to run as fast as I could in the other direction."

"enforced" eh?

Brian spotted this at a roller rink, where they encourage rule breakers, I guess.

secure-ish

"Nobody" is going to steal your stuff. For sure. Thanks, Byron.

alleged health

I guess these products aren't very "healthy." Thanks, Evan.

fools gold

I'm totally going there with my gold plated costume jewelry that I don't want anymore. Thanks, Kimberly.

tree"s? really?

That's right kids. It's a quotation mark masquerading as an unnecessary apostrophe. Thanks, DJ.

aka mystery hour

you know, sometime. that we decide arbitrarily. Thanks, Devadeva.

aproximate shapes

I'll just repeat Peter, who wrote, "While the real jewel of this sign I snapped in newberry, florida today is the bottom one, the 'brand new' makes me skeptical above, as well as the 'round' and 'oval.'"

lunch, nudge nudge

The not in quotation marks and the changing font to me say that this is actually a coded message. That may or may not be about lunch. Thanks, Chris.

dirty!

I'm not sure what they're getting at here. But I think it's dirty. Thanks, Jesse.

uh, ok

I guess it's, like, in and out of order? Thanks, Nick.

costumers, eh?

So they think their customers have such weird style choices they must be wearing costumes? Thanks, Chris.

I think I have called them before

If only every "help" desk were so upfront about their helpfulness. Thanks, Nym.

"bowl"

That's obviously this thing's nickname. Thanks, Jim.

openish

As it turns out, stairs are something that can't open and close. Thanks, Heather.

as they call it

Yeah, I think this setting should be called obnoxious buzzing mode. Thanks, Justin.

sad excuse for kabob?

I guess this place is really "authentic." Thanks, Sean.

"nuts" is he?

So I guess that's a euphemism for "crazy"? Thanks, Kelly.

"natural" eh?

I guess grinding up some cow muscles and molding them into a patty then cooking it and putting it on a bun is kind of unnatural. I mean, really. Thanks, Emma.

we will threaten to tow you

These people talk a lot about towing, but probably don't do it. Thanks, Tim.

"only 3 students"

The ageism of this sign is a little bit offensive, that must be why they are distancing themselves with quotation marks. Thanks, Bianca.

"flu shots" in the dairy aisle

I wish the quotation marks were around here, because this makes me think you'll get fake flu shots right here in the ice cream case. Thanks, Tony.

I see how this works

yeah, uh, my kid has "no insurance." How can that be if I own the insurance company? uh, funny you should ask... Thanks, Kristen.

"grapes"

Rebecca doesn't offer any details for this one, so I don't know what people are really washing, though maybe this is another word for rocky mountain oysters.

most everyone

I mean, obviously the special people are exempt. Thanks, Jen.

if you call that beer

So, this one is pretty obvious. Though I wonder what it IS made out of. Also, it's in Chile. Didn't see that coming, what with the word "Budapest" and all.

"heated"

Danielle sent me this from NYC. I guess the garden is heated with body heat and solar rays.

really the text is the unnecessary part

It's not so much that I disagree that one of those woman silhouettes demands that anything suggesting "class" requires quotation marks. More that why would you draw attention to your own lack of class. As submitter Ellen wrote, "This inscription is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in bacon to me."

If you call that art

I think that punctuation was added later, although the need for the sign is kind of silly in the first place. Thanks, Eduardo.

Some links for your enjoyment

Ok, several people I know have recently started blogs I think are excellent, so I want to tell you about them:

Promtacular! is a celebration of the terrible, misguided, and promtacularly sequined days of high school proms. With commentary that I find hilarious.

Advice Music is an advice column with a twist: every bit of advice comes with a relevant piece of pop music, and most of it comes in the form of a (surprisingly great) song written for the occasion.

Hot Guys Reading Books celebrates the little boost in attractiveness that men achieve by being spotted reading a book. I submitted my fiance already!

Please check out one or more of these!

newspaper gnomes?

This is at Megan's work. She writes, " I always chuckle to think that those who pick up the newspapers in the morning are apparently only marginally people."

there may be a need/want issue here

I mean, how do you know if somebody really NEEDS a tray? Thanks, Trevor.

Not everyone indeed

I love everything about this sign which is posted at the gym anonymous submitter works out at. I am going to start calling overly dramatic iron pumpers "he-men" with air quotes.

real "cool"

Because nothing says "cool" like permanent body art purchased because of peer pressure. Thanks, skjalf.

profound

This seems like a directive. From Confucius or something. Thanks, Jay.

is it still stealing?

Desiree spotted this in Melbourne. I guess if you steal the empty case, you have not exactly stolen the disc...

ignore them

Come to our crowded bar and pretend to watch games! Thanks, Beth.

the "dumpster"

I guess that thing outside isn't the dumpster either. Thanks, Suzie.

oooh, "free butter"

William explains, "I took this picture while on my trip to Japan this past June at a hostel in Tokyo. In the communal kitchen there was this sign in the cabinet. We weren't quite sure what it meant, but we got some pretty dirty ideas."
"free butter" is obviously quite different from regular butter. Like, uh, margarine?

maybe a latex BLEND

This is awesome because: 1) Diana took this photo WHILE IN LABOR and 2) this doesn't seem the kind of thin you want ambiguity about, either latex is ok or not, right?

more or less

You know, approximately. Thanks, Amanda.

do you say?

Kristin spotted this in Seattle. I wonder what's over there?

baby, "please"

Here's some fake politeness, courtesy of Jimmy in NYC.

un-ladylike

This place is for rude women or drag queens, I guess. Thanks, Douglas.

"vacation" eh?

So I guess they will really take time off to do some un-relaxing things, like home repair and visiting relatives. Thanks, Christine.

sounds "promising"

So I hire you to not work so I can have a terrible time? Yeah, I want to do that. Thanks, Jennifer.

"trust" us

Yeah, that sounds like you'll give us "peace of mind." Thanks, Gabriella.

almost none

Emily writes "The display case at Pick 'n' Save was turned backwards...This is the sign posted on what SHOULD have been the back." The whole thing is awesome, including the implied doubt.

oooh, zone "n"

Jason writes, "I think the pizzas are really from zone F or W."