there's "rules" here

just remember these awkward slogans about how to be a reasonable user of the bathroom! Thanks, anonymous submitter.

those sure are words

Here are some words that may or may not be relevant to your shopping experience. Thanks, Colin.

bing!

Maybe these cherries make a noise. Like, "bing!" Thanks, Jeremy.

you don't really have to buy it

I wish there were other times I could purchase things for pretend, although I don't know what constitutes a "super car wash," in my universe that means parking outside and waiting for it to rain. Thanks, Abel.

market at undisclosed location

I just used my best joke in the subject header and now I can't think of another one. Thanks for sending me this, Peter.

secretly still on

Anne saw this at her gym. I guess they are having secret ab's class for people (or ab?) who are in the know.

well, our employees do

You know, it's the royal we. Thanks, Lazer.

wait, who?

Andy alerted me to this book on amazon. I can't decide if the quotation marks are intended to indicate that the book is NOT about prostitution, or that it IS.

see you never

Either the Pas rotary club is about to follow you home, or they hope to never see you again, neither of which is as friendly as the waving Davy Crockett suggests. Thanks, Chad.

no such thing as a free toilet

Wes saw this one at a restaurant in Peru. I wonder what dastardly method of getting you to pay they have inside. Charge for TP?

that's the royal we

That is to say, I have milk. And maybe if you show me the money, we an both have some. Thanks, Jane.

I'll have some "meatballs" heh heh

While in the past this Quiznos may have been a supplier for drugs and hookers, it is no longer doing that, so please, stop asking and winking all creepy. Thanks, Diane.

does that make it better or worse?

I think I've heard of a concoction with beef and potatoes that looks like a sundae, but that would be a beef "sundae" right? Thanks, D'Arcy.

cheesy?

I just learned (to my lactose-intolerant delight) that vegan cheesecake exists. If that is what they are selling here, then I am behind the cake AND the quotation marks. Thanks, Joe.

depends on your standards really

Jen and Aaron saw this one on vacation. I guess the burger is... pretty good?

I need a garage!

they're selling "garages"? so, you mean, a place to store so much stuff my car won't fit in there? perfect. Thanks, Jon.

good catch phrase?

I wonder what "don't touch cones" is a euphemism for. Just be patient, man. Don't touch the cones, if you know what I mean. Thanks, Tien.

relatively big

I mean, bigger than average potatoes anyway. How many potatoes have you had? Thanks, John.

as we call it

okay okay, it's just regular lysol, it's not specially designed for baby bums, it just costs more. Thanks, Emma.

on "mondays"

You know what I could use? a long nap. I'm starting to think it's "monday" right now.... Thanks, Rob.

real "special"

That dessert that looks vaguely like rice pudding sure sounds "special." Thanks, Lauren.

real "helpful"

James in Melbourne saw this inside what the waiting room of a doctor's surgery (office in american english?). I have totally talked to "help" desks before. They are not very helpful.

special people exit

You can only use this exit if you are so awesome you are "on fire". And let's face it: it's not you, so you'll set off that alarm there. (!!). Thanks, Kim.

shrimply?

Here quotation marks seem to mean: warning, completely ridiculous pun approaching. Thanks, Lorie.

important update

I recently posted this sign, but look at this update Shaina sent me a few weeks later. you have to look close, but the words "honest it's closed" are penciled in at the bottom there. It's like they knew she had sent it to me. Amazing.

how could I forget?

I guess their fresh eggs are unforgettable, but just in case we'll pretend you might forget about it. Thanks Katy!

use, as it were

I don't know what you guys "use" this stepladder for, but keep it at home, okay? Thanks, lxy.

allegedly

you claim to have some "legal rights" or whatever, so we'll defend them. Real or fictional. Thanks, Matt.

Also, happy national punctuation day.

winning in a manner of speaking

I mean, you're stuck with a wall hanging, which may or may not be super ugly. Thanks, Dave.

as they say

I'm not sure what the technical term for what you rubes call "stormy weather" is. It's that awesome. Thanks, James.

the crab's delusional

This crab had a kind of Yertle the Turtle situation going on. And now he's dinner. So that's taken care of. Thanks, Jess.

as in advice?

A little quicker with the coffee and not so much makeup... badum... Thanks, person who the email tells me is "lone locust of the apocalypse."

sure you're graduating now

Yeah, right. you're 18 and you just graduated from high school. We "believe" you... Thanks, Carrie.

just like everybody else

I guess here "unique" is a euphemism for "totally weird." Thanks, Brian.

can hold puppies

I can't recall if I've posted this before, but I like to think of the other things that are so desirable, how could you ever keep them out? candy bars, well, ok. Thanks, Chris.

as in 51?

I don't know who the "neighbours" are in this "area" that Fraser visited in Victoria, Australia. Maybe they are our GALACTIC neighbours...

it's the panopticon

I think Michel Foucault might have a thing or two to say about this one. If nobody is watching, is it still surveillance? Thanks, Jesse.

it's the alcohol speaking

You see, alcohol itself became sentient, and said one thing: no. Thanks, Mark.

chicken of the sea?

I wonder what the sandwich is really made of. Thanks, Bill.

you know, realish

well, it's real SOMETHING... Thanks, Simon.

relatively anyway

Melani writes, "Well, we do live in Southern California so I suppose with all of the brush fires now and then they keep it as 'smoke free' as naturally possible."

it's ok for you

I guess "good for you" is more of a brand than a characteristic of the bread. Thanks, Bob.

code for lousy painting?

Yeah, this is the "best" price you'll get on painting. We're really "cheap." Thanks, Greg.

you know, "fuel"

Helen writes, "Here's a pic of some unnecessary quotes from a petrol station near us. I thought I'd filled up with unleaded, but given I got about another 3 miles and then broke down and had to be towed home, maybe the quotes aren't so unnecessary after all...!!"

thanks for asking Bulwinkle, yes you can

Barbara sent me this, but the photographer is Lynn Drew of the New York Racing Association. I like that this moose found his own speech bubble. Now that's a smart moose.

it's "not allowed"

wink. wink. Thanks, Colleen.

fake antiques, I guess

Christina doesn't know what "period stuff" is and neither do I, but we both think it wise to stay away. UNLESS it's punctuation related. In which case, rock on.

fake cash accepted

We really see a surprising amount of places that accept IOUs and monopoly money on this blog. Thanks, Jeff in Seattle.

or whatever

Margaret notes that by the time you see this sign, you are likely to have already crossed the running track to get to the bleachers, so maybe the quotation marks are intentional.

of course there are SOME fees

The rent, for example. Thanks, Katharine.