in a "hurry"

Anne sent me this one. I guess the festive atmosphere encourages a lot of fake hurrying.

"hot"

I guess that's what the kids are calling them these days. Thanks, Katie.

I don't think any of us want roaches

This is a pretty extreme PAN. I assume they felt an impulse to use the general "one" instead of "you" which makes it difficult to say if you're speaking to the audience in particular or just mean "a person". I also like the afterthought demand in the margin. Classy. Thanks, Scott.

"do not" enter

This one strikes me as funny because when I was picking up my little sister from school yesterday I left via the do not exit driveway. Seemed like a nice rebellion for her last day of high school, but I definitely read some invisible quotation marks on there. Nice that Mickey Ds makes it explicit. Thanks, Melissa.

barber protection program

Looks like "Chad" here is barbing under an assumed name. Spotted in Fort Wayne by Aisha.

mmmm butter-like flavoring

It's not buttered, not even buttery, but "butter-y". Sounds tasty. Thanks, Amy.

"access needed"

Theoretically anyway, we've never seen anyone access this gate. Thanks Nils. Also, more info about Jane Taylor.

that chocolate is so sexy

Given the preponderance of quotation marks here, I am starting to believe this is a code for something more sinister. Italian mafia, perhaps?

"audio tour"

Andrew spotted this at Alcatraz. He suggests that "Top of the Hill" is the name of the new nightclub they have going there. I guess "Audio Tour" is their signature cocktail?

yeah, you're totally "ok"

Amy writes, "so, is the whole bankruptcy thing really not a problem, or are those bankrupt folks just losers being mocked?"

ah, disney pricing

Diana writes, "This one is on a counter at a food establishment in Disney's California Adventure. Considering the actual size of the bag, the quotation marks may not be incorrect here."

boring

I guess they really planned something run of the mill for your insignificant other. Thanks, Jenny and Dan.

newish

Jim spotted this one. I guess they're trying to be clear that they did not invent breakfast, or even a new breakfast food. It's only "new" in the sense that they didn't serve it before.

yeah. that means you.

So "dogs" might mean feet, but towing feet seems even less likely than towing canine companions. Thanks, Arenda!

"menu"

Everything at this restaurant has an alias. It's like the witness protection restaurant. Thanks, Pete.

some random people

Yeah, we'll see what Morgan has to say about that. Thanks, Erik.

doing "The Job"

NC saw this in Delaware. I don't know what "The Job" refers to. I guess he will do something other than what you ask?

"*"

That's a lot of punctuation in a row. My dad said I should make a joke about Roger Maris, but I can't land it. Feel free to make your own. Thanks, Hayley.

more for the facebook profile

I guess somebody said a lot of stuff about this restaurant, and they wanted to quote them directly. Thanks, Tucker.

sure you are

David grabbed this from an episode of survivor back in February. I would say sorry in quotation marks works for any reality show context.

good slogan

Megan writes, "We received this box at work. I think I might open it with a box cutter."

"hot soup"

Holly saw this in Philadelphia. I don't know what kind of thing they really want you to come in for, maybe "hot soup" is the name for a kind of story. Like chicken soup for the restauranteur sou.

may or may not

does this salad have immitation walnuts? Thanks, Amelia.

they did give Pabst a blue ribbon

Justin found this in the Life photo archive. Just after the repeal of prohibition, American beer seems to have left something to be desired.

"hackey" sacks

Kate spotted this one. I love that the Jellyfish Yo-Yos are totally vernacular, but "hackey" sacks is a slang term that requires separation.

A Cracker By Any Other Name

Oh Cracker Barrel is there no depths to which you will not descend?

Try the "Soups" (I like the primordial)
And the "Veg of the day" (insert insensitive cultural reference here)
"Dressings" - or are those stuffings?

Brand-ish

This line of magnifying products carried much more credibility because of the quotes.

You know "zoom" - zoom in, zoom out. You see, what you do is move the glass closer and farther away... here let me show you.


I really wish the cord was actually "handy".

no reason

so, wait, I guess the reason, really, is like Christians wanted a celebration to replace a pagan winter festival and went with the Birth of Christ, which involves Jesus, but technically Jesus isn't the REASON... (also, this was spotted by Sarah in January, but it looks relatively permanent)

it's no secret

I guess it's one of those secrets everyone knows. Thanks, Shawn.

more "meat"

I assume this container contains tofu. Thanks, Megan.

maybe you can

an ounce of fake prevention is worth... not much? Thanks, Robert.

non-potable

I don't know if this cheese is in actual water, or a water-containing liquid. Thanks, Eric.

you know, "lunch"

maybe the "lunch shift" starts at around "breakfast" time. Or something sketchier. Thanks, Robbie!

I'll be right there

Gavin saw this taped up in a hospital and says he was not brave enough to follow the arrow and find out what the "skin club" is. I wonder if I qualify for membership? I have skin...

that makes me uncomfortable

I didn't think the name of this plant was sketchy until they put quotation marks on it. I thought it was about cats. Thanks Cara.

punctuation convention

The most perplexing part of this sign is not the quotation marks, but the parenthesis. Something like Gell Caps are NOW!!!! but their availability is a side-note. Thanks, Matt.

you know, "golfing"

I don't know what "golfing" is a euphemism for, but if that's common then my view on men I know has just changed quite a bit. Joe saw this at a BBQ place in Columbus, GA.

now that's authenticity

Amy screen-capped this out of an episode of Fringe. I like to believe that this is an inside joke because their prop doors were not actually heavy.

fourish

I guess gimpy dogs are also welcome, but I wonder where they draw the line. Snakes? Thanks John, who spotted this in Fredricksburg, TX.

fake key

Josh saw this on a gas station bathroom door and writes, "Apparently, they really don't care whether or not customers return their imaginary key... I did return the actual key they gave me though, and they seemed appreciative."

not so happy

Chelsea was at Courtney's birthday party with this cake. She didn't say that Courtney's parents had something to tell her about her actual birthday, but maybe the cake decorators thought so.

fake herbs

I didn't even know culantro was an herb until I googled it, so maybe the sign writer doesn't believe that it's real either. Thanks, Tina.

somebody should anyway

Kim sent me this one. People are always talking about this "God" dude, maybe they are trying to include agnostics.

we threaten to tow

These winking quotation marks come with their own smiley face even. There is no way they actually tow. Thanks, Nick.

well.... okay.

I'm not arguing that 99 cent Bologna probably qualifies as "meat" but I'm surprised Kroger wants to tell us that. Thanks, Kevin in Lilburn, GA.

more or less

This sign has so many different apparently random punctuation marks, I feel like somebody got some letterforms and sprinkled them around and then tried to make it make sense. Thanks, Virginia in Chicago.

also technically could use a hyphen

Carla spotted this and quips, "They know your gym time is rife with judgments (hence the quotes). But what they don't know is you're also judging their spelling."

It might be art that I don't get

Chris saw this in a Toronto Alley. I don't know what he was doing hanging out there, maybe he was participating in the performance art piece that is scripted here.

topical

Kenneth saw this at a Catholic High School in Oak Park, IL. He quips, "I'm not sure if it's never too early for the Mothers' Club to meet or, perhaps, it's never too early to join the Mother's Club." I believe "Never Too Early" must be their theme song.
Happy Mother's Day, y'all.

"all" of them

The submitter who neglected to name him or herself saw this in an engineering building at Cal Poly Pomona. Aside from the dramatic headline and the star trek font, the vague lost privileges are pretty intriguing.