sin for once, seriously

I'm guessing this pie has a lot of cream in it. Thanks, Pace.

"potato" chips

Look, it's not like potatoes are really expensive. Maybe they are implying that after reconstituting them as chips these are no longer recognizable as potatoes... Thanks, Evan.

Emily will soon be a fellow alumna of Calvin College, and saw this in Royal Oak, MI. I don't know if this place is a store or not, or if it is for teachers (too bad the apostrophe is there, or one might think they SELL teachers, which would be funnier).

you know, "seated"

Jonathan saw this at a Thai place in San Francisco. I don't know what they do to you after you behave very impatiently. It's either horrible or awesome, so there's a risk there.

no inkwells please

Jessica sent me this. I am guessing what kind of things might go in the box, which could be called ink cartridges but cannot be recycled. I'm thinking really vintage. like dot matrix ribbons.

shouldn't that be "ethics"?

I know this repeats another home depot sign about doing the "right" thing, but that is precisely what I find so amusing/appalling. Thanks, Dave.

"sushi"

Marc, a New Yorker, ate at this place in Tokyo. He claims the sushi was better than any he experienced in New York, but I wonder if that, combined with the quotation marks, is a commentary on the quality of American sushi compared to Japanese...

this guy again

I am not sure who these churches are worshipping, but "Jesus" seems to be a popular dude.

bowling

Susan spotted this at an AMF lanes in texas. I imagine they used to pay a persnickity person to stand there telling people to be gentle, but now just quote that former employee on the sign.

"free" for "customers"

I don't know why you need so much instructions for water at a restaurant, or what kind of cup-like vessel you drink it in. Maybe they have those cone ones found in some businesses. Thanks, Eric.

still sleeps in the stable

Adam sent this to me and quips "Someone needs to pick up a copy of He's Just Not That Into You for that poor horse."

and by "new year" we mean trip to the flea market

Lori spotted this one at a Georgia Flea Market. It confuses me on multiple levels, the most basic being, what are they really selling? The most pertinent being, how many knives does a person really need?

I love that song!

This is from Anita and her boyfriend. I assume the quotation marks around "Please print your name" are a reference to the catchy song called that, which is all about checking in at apartment buildings...

first!!!!111!one

I don't know why you would want to include a quotation from annoying internet people on a sign at a gas station, but somebody did. Thanks, Ian.

so-called peace

Hannah spotted this one. I bet the artist called this thing a "statue of peace" but there is nothing peaceful about it.

donut-like food

Somebody refered to these as coffee and donuts, so we took their word for it but thought we should cite our sources. Thanks, Rudi.

this one's for you, "danger"

We know that's not really your middle name, but seriously, don't walk on the porch. Thanks, Ben.

no wide stances here

Thomas saw this at his dad's tennis court pro shop. I don't know what "exchanging balls" is a euphemism for, but it sounds dirty.

"looks like"

Scott sent me this. The best part, clearly, is the explanation of what the (alleged) alarm (allegedly) sounds like. whoop, whoop (with comma). However, if you hear that noise, it may be a very reserved person cheering.

if that is your real species

I was hoping these questions were going to be about old-school jazz musicians. Like, you know, cool cats. Thanks, Holly and Stephen.

respectish

Gilahi spotted this one in the Washington Post. At this funeral home, they pretend to respect you, but make jokes about you after you've left.

new nickname

poor Glenn, (last name smudged for Glenn's privacy) has the clunkiest nickname I have encountered. I think he should lobby for "The Yellow Dart". Thanks, Mindy.

we accept overdraws

Meranda sent this in. They apparently take debit cards with no money in the account. Good to know in these tough economic times.

not so special after all

I don't even know what to say about this. the apostrophes! the colors! "thank you" to Nate for submitting.

the "right thing"

Rimpy spotted this at home depot, where they encourage doing something approximating the right thing.

stolen motor

Rebecca saw this, rather appropriately, at a flea market. Don't ask where that motor came from. Or touch it. Or why there are punctuation marks randomly scattered about.

lots of sort-of things

Jennn claims this is from a Mexican/pizza place near her home. 1) I love that such a place exists 2) apparently trying to do too much really means you don't do any of them well.

numbers also accepted

In the lower drop box, size does not matter. Thanks, Amity.

sort of necessary

Ok, this doesn't exactly fall under the rubric of this blog, but that's why I wanted to post it. Because those are clearly pencils. Awesome. What's unnecessary here is the absurdist labeling. Thanks, Julia.

"fire"

Stairways are also acceptable for fake fires. Thanks Thad, who saw this in a New Orleans Airport.

win, sort of

Submitter Dan writes, "I don't consider getting a knock-off Pixy Stix winning, either."

no fake food

You heard me, no plastic fruit in this trash! Thanks, nameless blackberry user who sent this.

"We Are Different!"

I am really unsure how Christian medicine is different from any other good doctors, so maybe these quotation marks are correct. We imagine that we are different! Thanks, Sam.

you must be lost

Gina spotted this at an ice cream shop in Tacoma Park, MD. I don't understand the sign at all, but it does have a question mark in quotation marks, which is awesome.

midway through also ok

RPA writes, "i spotted this in an office i visited recently and happened to have a camera on me so i snapped a picture. i resisted the urge to add some sarcastic punctuation around the handwritten note... i have to admit, though, that the coffee was better than the last time i was there..." I guess you can rinse it with lukewarm water at any point.

"delivery"

KB sent me this one. It reminds me of an old Mitch Hedberg joke, "I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it."

un-lady-like

My friend Nirvana spotted this at the LA center studios, where she was working on Dollhouse (incidentally, a good show that you should all watch tonight at 9 on Fox).

popcorn-like substance

There is I guess a subway knockoff where you can pay for this food that is on the borderline of being called popcorn, although I don't know why you would. Thanks, Ruth, who spotted this inside Walmart.

"popular"

Ben writes, "I saw this outside a Sushi Shop in Boston. I didn't have the roll, but apparently no one else does either."

fake organic

I'm trying to imagine how or why you would want to make synthetic dirt, but maybe you would. thanks, nixwilliams.

northish

These directions, spotted by Mark in NYC, are vague at best I guess.

this one has turtles

I wasn't punching the turtles, Mom, I was just touching them with my fists. Thanks, Bill and Jill who spotted this on their Hawaiian vacation.

working-ish

Andrew writes, "Does this mean it is working or does the second set of quotes offset the first? Finally, I decided that the sign maker was trying to make it look like the words Not working were vibrating." My thought: this is like when my mom had a dessert that was really awesome and told me I "wouldn't like it."

makes a better window

Well, I guess if you can't open it at all, it really loses its functionality as a door. Thanks, Adam.

if you call that living

Robert spotted this at a store in Albany, NY. It seems like Joe has a life outside of the produce business that might be less wonderful?

ok, NOW it's brunch

My favorite thing about this one is that it is definitely country style. Whether they are serving it now or if it is breakfast, that's up in the air. Thanks, Jonathan.

it's totally freaked out

Diane writes, "We encountered this sign at the Atlantic City Aquarium. Since the door back to the building had locked behind us, this was our only way out, but based on the sign we weren't sure if there was an alarm or not. So, we climbed over, which I'm sure the gate found very 'alarming'."

"security"

Rafa translates this sign from Brazil, "Please do not eat the products. Avoid trouble with the 'security'." "Security" here being the euphemism for food poisoning.

"beautiful"

Paulo saw this one on a brochure for a dentist. I'm pretty sure having a "beautiful" smile is a cover up for some other positive or negative comment on a person's appearance. Good idea, dentist.