seasonal

This event is in Hong Kong, so I won't be able to make it and tell you how stingy they are with the champagne, or who will actually get the money. Thanks Tonya.

you know, "the gate"

Kelly's dad, Wayne, took this picture at his marina. She adds this story: "He actually spoke to the man who had written the sign, and apparently the addition of quotation marks was in response to how many people came up to ask him whether the gate was, in fact, closed, as he was writing the sign that told them so."
What? That makes no sense and I love it.

"that's hot"

These are clearly all the same temperature. Or some of them are sexy. Thanks, Julie.

only for "wimps"

Martin saw this at a church dinner. It's probably some person from a country where this is not considered at all spicy, but to palates in Iowa or wherever, it is.

euphemism

I don't know what they are really selling. Maybe they have other names for them. Thanks, Tina.

you know, fake ones

Ok, everything about this sign is excellent. Especially the implication that "canadian" quarters are not actually from Canada. Thanks, Nick.

it was ok

Aaron saw this at a Chick-fil-a drive through. Apparently serving you wasn't really so great, they were faking it.

"Happy Holidays"

I've been slow on the posting because I've been busy celebrating the holiday with my family and friends in Michigan, but I haven't forgotten all you blog-lovers. Thanks for making my life so surreal, and happy holidays.

Bethany

newish

Henk in the netherlands spotted this one. He suggests that somebody wore these shirts once or twice to break them in.

a couple

either they accept all credit cards, or none. Thanks, Kelly.

who's cyclist?

This was submitted by Bethany who also submitted my all-time favorite, "security guard". I like to believe that this is the first in a set of traffic signs which contain the body of the poem, "Watch for Cyclist"

regular tire color

Jason sent me this. I don't know what color the building is, but I'm guessing it's some kind of an aquamarine.

botox barn

The old people go to this barn to feel awesome, I guess. Thanks, Emily.

just ignore this one

I am thinking that this is the setlist for the vending machine cover band. I LOVE "Please Deposit". Thanks, GB.

what do they really do to the door?

I don't know what they're really going to do with this door when you call them. I wouldn't risk it. Thanks, Michelle.

may or may not smell

This sign makes me think the clothes are expired. Thanks, John.

"inquire within"

Ashley spotted this one. Obviously there is some secret way to get the job for which "inquire within" is a euphemism. I don't think it's respectable.

newish

Britt writes, "These nebulizer masks at my hospital are only "slightly" used."

secret code

"towed away" is obviously a euphemism for something bad happening to you. Thanks, Tim.

pretend to listen

Michelle spotted this on a footstool in a grocery store bathroom. I guess "WeListen" might be a stupid slogan....

stop saving the earth

Claire saw this on a coke machine at the Emory hospital. I guess they only kind of trust other people to wash their cups.

go ahead, choose

Hillary saw this while visiting grandparents in Arkansas. I'm guessing this is one of those situations where it's not really a choice. Like, spam spam eggs and spam.

you're gonna love the egg rolls

Just because the menu includes hot and sour soup and kung pow chicken doesn't mean you can assign your ethnic labels to us! Thanks, Meg.

ferrets!

So if I find a ferret and it bites me, then what do I do? Thanks, Charles.

the Big Guns

This is from a Hungarian winery, but it makes me think it's named after a Jenny Lewis song or something. Thanks, Jessica.

assumed name

Well, at least "Trudi" is sincerely welcomed, even if they did find out that her real name is truly embarrassing. Thanks, Cheri.

Also this

Ryan found this in an office in Seattle. I don't even know what to say.

fake hand washing acceptable

I think we've seen this before, but I wanted to make sure we all had an opportunity to propose activities that could be covered under "hey boss, i'm gonna go 'wash my hands.'"
Thanks, Dana, who saw this at Smoothie King.

more fun comics

thanks for this link, Allison.

if you call that living

I guess said cop is so tough he or she is now undead. Thanks, Kip.

come "see" me, heh.

Joshua writes, "This was found in the hallway of my dorm. Richmond, VA. I think something might be up with Jim and someone else on our hall..."

fake polite plus

Evidently this is addressed to somebody whose nickname is "active driveway". I like the two tone effect going here too. Thanks, Avi.

didn't sell it

This makes minimal sense without the quotation marks. With them, it's really an open question. Thanks, Vincent.

worry

Jack saw this at a cafe in Sacramento. Evidently there is cause for worry.

"fat free"

"you know, I think you're putting on weight" "but that fried chicken I've been eating exclusively was fat free!" "in quotation marks?" "crap."
thanks Alan.

"discover" "cards"

Melissa was at Yale for a debate tournament with her daughter Danielle. Evidently this shop they found there doesn't accept favors in place of payment, and have a euphemism for it.

"tip" mandatory

Rob saw this at a golf course snack shop. Maybe the "tip" is acknowledging that while it makes sense to tip a barrista who makes your complicated coffee drink, tipping for a coke out of the cooler is really charity.

fake polite rural gas station

Desiree explains that this is black and white because "my husband is a goofball" which is probably my favorite part. However, I also wonder what they are pumping into the cars, and if it applies to people who have cards but don't want to use them.

Bethany Reviews Music

Hi Friends,
You may be interested to read my review of a new EP from one of my favorite bands, Common Shiner, which is available for free online!
Back to snarking tomorrow,
Bethany

"prohibited"

Apparently this prohibition is not enforced. Yup, sounds like a middle school. Thanks, David.

you know, the "exit"

Rob saw this in San Francisco and writes "this is where you go when you are asked to 'leave'."

freudian?

seriously, officer, I didn't push him, he just "slipped"! Thanks, Amanda.

"shopping"

I have no idea what they actually expect you to take. A go-kart of some kind? Thanks, Javier in Miami.

fake pirates

Frances saw these in a village in Lesvos. I guess these places have folks in pirate outfits who won't steal anything from you. And the sign-maker just couldn't maintain the farce.

those giant prize checks are no good here

Becca writes, "I see this every time I get gas. It makes me wonder if people were just walking in and checking off a piece of paper to pay." Indeed.

whatever day we feel like

I don't know when this place is really closed, but it may or may not be sunday. I also like that that information is so much bigger than the hours they are actually open. Thanks, Matt.

actually lukewarm

Jim claims this picture was taken in the 1990s at "the now defunct West Side Variety, a thinly disguised porn mag store in Kutztown, PA". That really gives "cold" beverages a new meaning.

it's a song

Allie's friend got married at a vineyard and this was in the bride's room there. Allie and I like the extra emphasis on the word "RAIL" as though there might be something else tempting to hold onto. I also like to pretend they are referring to a part of somebody's foot and not shoes when they ask you to remove heels. Demanding stairs.

immigrant peaches

The trees only been here for a little while, so they aren't REALLY local. Thanks, Carson in Portland.

some fake produce, some real

Sushigrade passes this Ithaca farmstand regularly and writes, "Actually, judging from the size of the cauliflower I picked up there, they may be the "pumpkins" to which the sign refers. They're huge!" Or maybe they also sell plastic decorative produce?

no cooking meth in the dryers

Chris writes, "I was doing laundry in my military dorm building, at a location where I just recently relocated to, and noticed this sign posted on the wall above the dryer machines." Nevermind reminders about cooking in the laundry room, but what are these things euphemisms for?

well, not everyone

Tai spotted this one. Clearly, some Air India passengers are special.