engraved quotation mark

I don't even want to know how much Brandy and Peter paid for this wedding album which is allegedly theirs. Or, uh, half of it is or something.

regular hours

Gwen saw this at the university where she works. These are probably their hours all the time, but they pretend they are special for the summer.

dismemberment humor

Wow, that pun about losing limbs is really clever. You can tell because the quotation marks. Thanks Carson.

"cocktails"

I don't know what fake cocktails are. Maybe if you're drinking sprite with a cocktail napkin and a cocktail dress it's a "cocktail".

puppys

So, what are they really selling? Goldfish in puppy costumes? stuffed dogs? Thanks Summer.

they're spiked with estrogen

Requisite quotation marks jokes: real ladies don't eat donuts and the donuts are really more puke colored.
More important question: who gender segregates donuts? Thanks Julie

hey, "better"! Come over here!

Emilie spotted these in a home depot. Evidently they MAY be dimmable, who knows the energy savings, and they have nicknames, but they are dumb.

keys

please leave your drugs in the car for us. Thanks Matthew.

mystery holiday

I hope you are all having a good "thanksgiving" or whatever you call it. Thanks, Daniel.

"Tur-Duck-Hens" I get

I would like to know, though, what the "Turkeys" really are. Thanks to Chris, who sent me this last year.

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanks, Katie, for this picture.

now with ketchup

I don't know what kind of sauce you might put on these dumplings, but I'm guessing it's not real special. Thanks, Paul.

"in the garbage"

Tactics writes, "Saw this sign posted in the storage area at my work. I'm not sure where they want me to put the bags, but I should probably stop putting them on the floor..."

Pictures for Sad Children

I've posted one of these comics before, and today's is also about quotation marks. Thanks Justin and 4 other people.

good slogan

Jim spotted this one. I guess you don't really have to wait. Or they are quoting the famous song, "wait for dial tone".

Surf and Turf

Surf and Turf
Originally uploaded by mirthmobile

if you know what I mean...
Oh... if you don't, I'll explain that in the description.

Cheese Burger "Royale"

Royale
Originally uploaded by mirthmobile

Royale might mean with mayo, lettuce, tomato and onion or the menu authors are either trading on the popularity of Pulp Fiction.

Why not "Delux"?

well, it's akin to theft

What eating-like activity is taking place here? Whatever it is it nearly, but not quite, constitutes unqualified theft. Thanks, Chelsea.

whenever we feel like it

look, if you're going to show up at 11:59 pm and ask for a pancake, you might get one, and you might not get one until after 2 am. It's an approximation. Thanks, Jesse.

this land is "your" land...

This one is from Jon in Fort Wayne, IN. He sent me this like 2 months ago because I'm way behind, back when it was slightly less resonant to talk about home "value".

not for you

Jim spotted this one. Apparently they may not be for sale for certain people.

no learning here

It would be absurd to say unqualified learning is taking place at an elementary school. The irony here is, of course, that "soar" is indeed meant not literally. Unless they are practicing flight at this particular school, a la Matilda. Thanks, Tonya.

"fresh banana"

Carson saw this in Portland. I guess they have some random fruit that is canned.

help somebody else?

Jackie spotted this at the children's hospital where she works. Evidently nobody there ever helps themself, so the sign writer just couldn't bring themselves to do it.

multicolored

Julie lives in Windhoek, Namibia (I know, awesome) and sent me this one. Evidently the peppers there are on the green side, if you know what I mean.

mmm "salsa"

Lincoln spotted this one, which leads me to believe that "salsa" is some kind of "dairy product".

across the generations

Jen's eight-year-old son spotted this one. Way to teach your kids right, Jen. Meanwhile, these pins are not remotely new, but if you bought it it would be new to YOU.

use sparingly

Dan saw this on a urinal in the engineering building of a state university campus. Clearly, you can use the urinal in a real emergency. The real question is, what first day of school engineering prank made this happen?

Or so the tree says

This tree may or may not be safe. I'm not saying it's armed and dangerous or anything. Thanks, Elizabeth.

wait, what?

Jessica and friends took this photo at a tourist destination outside Moab, Utah. That is some really excellent wrong punctuation, in that it would have been dumb if it had been a correctly placed apostrophe, but now it's just incomprehensible.

stealing: now inhuman

Steve saw this at his girlfriend's apartment in the West Village. Apparently a ghost or pet stole this guy's laundry cart. Actually kind of impressive, when you put it that way.

don't, uh, drive a tug boat

This is in Chano's workplace. I don't know what "tug" is a euphemism for, but it can't be good.

that's right, fake truth

They totally make up the taekwon-do moves here. Thanks Matt, who saw this in Brooklyn.

ooo "soap making"

Ben saw this on the Missouri State University campus in Springfield, MO. There's a lot of quotation marks here, and I am going to just suggest they are all code for keg parties. Other suggestions?

there are a few exceptions

I get the impression that nobody is enforcing this one. I also invite others to make fun of the random capitalization, but I am too often guilty of same. Thanks, Andrea, who spotted this in Glasgow, Scotland.

"goes great"

Kelly spotted this in a 1970s cookbook. I don't know why anybody would put soda in their food, but apparently it "goes great" and will make your food taste "fresh" or something...

potential replica

Julie informs me that at the museum of crime and punishment in DC all the replicas are labelled like this. This leads me to believe they are not really replicas, but they are attempting to deter theft.

another mob front

This is near Tanya's home. Clearly, things go on at Garibaldi's besides eating Italian food.

12 acceptable, or not

I agree with Casey that the 7-dot ellipsis is an exceptional punctuation innovation here, I have no idea why you would put a qualifying word like "about" in quotation marks - is it exactly ten, or not? aaah!

makes a better window?

Karen saw this at the Minnesota state fair. I'm not sure how it is questionably a door, but I'll take her word for it.

department of water hoses, really

I think they're just making it clear that they are not in charge of STARTING fires. Thanks, Mark in Perry Hall, MD.

"see you later"

Anna sent me this. Apparently the thermal socks are saying goodbye to you. Bye socks!

fake ages acceptable

I guess here you can just claim to be 16, but if you're 27 and LOOK 16 that will work just fine. Thanks, Tyler, who saw these at a go-kart racing place in Turkey Run State Park, IN.

alleged mushrooms

I love meijer, but I think whoever made this sign may have had a few too many "mushrooms". Thanks, Hannah.

has things besides H2O

Xi spotted this at a hotpot place in Montreal, and claims the water was just fine. Maybe the sign was designed by a chemical purist who wants you to realize it also contains things like minerals and maybe fluoride.

approximately sixty

After all these years, who even remembers how many it's been. Thanks, Grace.

That's right. If you find their allegedly lost parrot named keet, you should not bite him, and return him for a fake "reward". Thanks, Kevin.

Trying to use my powers for good

Last year "blog" readers made a significant difference in my friend's fund-raising efforts to bring a group of 8th graders from low-income families near the US border with Mexico on an educational trip to Washington DC. I've known Claire for a long time, but you don't, but this is how you can tell she's a great person and a dedicated teacher: she's willing to supervise a group of 8th graders on an educational trip to Washington DC.

I don't often post off-topic items on this "blog", but I really like this opportunity because the comments here often feature people lamenting the quality of our education system to produce such poor grammarians. I'm not doing much to help others by making fun of people on the internet, but people like Claire are doing a lot to even the playing field for kids who wouldn't have many opportunities otherwise.

I know these are tough economic times, but if there was $1 donated for each unique visit my blog gets in a day, we'd be able to sponsor almost 2 whole students on this trip. Please consider giving a little bit of money to this worthy cause.

For more information, check out the facebook group.

may not be winning

Dave saw this in a boardwalk arcade in Cape May, NJ. I guess I don't really consider taking home some crappy arcade prizes winning either.

foreign language quotation marks

Terence saw this in taipei and translates:
"Free"
Unlimited Internet
Inside
Non-smoking area.

Terence also comments, "I love it because the English-language quotation mark is a fairly recent import to Chinese, but its overuse is now apparently OK."

jurors now have slogans

Daryl got this juror sticker from one of his coworkers who had jury duty. I must say, besides the quotation marks, what I really love about this is the implication that less fine fabrics can become jurors.

dear friends

Yes, I have seen this post on the fail blog. That photo has been making the rounds on the internet for a while now. I appreciate your enthusiasm and your emails. Please stop sending me this link.

new euphemism

I think the quotation marks may be intended here as this seems to be a threat. Make up your own interpretation of what "baptism" is... Thanks, Lori.