some crappy meatballs

Becky of Apostrophe Catastrophes sent me this one. I'm guessing the real best meatballs don't come in a plastic bag.

if you call that news

I thought the LA Times was a pretty good paper, but apparently the writer of this sign feels otherwise. Thanks, Casey.

"rib" destination

Brad (a fellow rhetorician) saw this one in a Kroger in Nashville. I don't know what kind of fake ribs they have, and probably don't.

or use some other method

Andrew saw this one at Orange Beach AL. I like that it's so encouraging, even if it's unclear what you are actually supposed to be doing.

I'd like some "assistance"

I don't know what kind of "assistance" the management expects to deliver "at the front." Sounds like quite the bachelorette party for a dollar store. Thanks, thinking clergyman.

look out for "them"

Who's making decisions for you now? "They" are. Creepy. It's also possible that somebody is really hesitant to use the generic plural - a grammar option which I fully endorse.
Thanks, Bison Fish.

relatively good

What I like about these pictures that Danial P. took at her neighborhood garage sale is that the second one explains what counts as "good stuff" and one of the items is stuff. That's right guys. There will be STUFF at the garage sale..

so, how... nevermind.

Jimmy saw this one in a hospital shower. I don't know what you might use to push the drain stopper, maybe your whole foot or something.

there's no REAL risk, we're just saying it

My sister Meredith saw this one at the Haworth factory store in Holland, MI. "Remove at your own risk": worst slogan ever?

mystery sale

Samuel saw this one. I don't even know what these appliances are innuendoes for.

that's the royal we

somebody somewhere serves food, it may or may not be us. Thanks, Kori.

relevant paris hilton joke

Thanks to Winona who pointed me to this post on gofugyourself. I really think that blogger has the snarking under control on this one, so I'll just direct you there.

any toilet-like thing

Evidently here they demand fake attention for discussion of the appliance formerly known as toilet. However, I am kind of disturbed by this trend this is the third example on this blog of this basic message. Who keeps flushing paper towels?? Thanks, Kathryn.

Jesse saw this at the Westin Peachtree Hotel in Atlanta GA. I have no idea what "to be instinctive" means, but I don't think it's civilized.

also contains drugs

This is clearly where all the contraband is kept in the Janitor's closet at Sam's work. Subtle, Janitor.

or whoever

Apparently they are really accepting lapsed members who are hoping to be forgiven for their previous membership sins. Thanks, Dean.

"Pre-pay," if you know what I mean.

I'm not sure what "Drive-off" is a euphemism for, but I don't think it's very nice. Thanks, Heather.

what standards?

Thomas saw this in Peebles Scotland. Does putting "standards" in quotation marks raise or lower expectations?

open-ish

I guess they aren't open ALL sundays, or any time you may look at the sign. Thanks, Dan.

"classy"

Connie spotted this in Burlington, VT. I have no idea what this is about or if "respect" is the slogan for all the rest, or why of all the fonts in the world, they chose this one.

what's the salon's real name?

I wonder if those clip-art weird people are "Helen". Or maybe it's the salon's nickname. Thanks, Anne in Madison.

only try on if you're in 1918

Lindsey spotted this at a diner on the West Coast. I must say, the weirdest things about this have nothing to do with the double-slogans with quotation marks (and apparent feminism of visors? what?). The weirdest things are: 1) clip art lady golfer 2) lace visors?
Conclusion: try it on, but only as a joke.

Robert's real name: Confucious.

Ok, unless "Robert E" got that nickname from battling Yankee realtors, I think he needs a cooler one. Like "the Yellow Dart". Thanks, Jason.

relevant webcomic

Behold. Thanks, Justin.

really just a little casual

click to enlarge and see slogan, which reads: a "very" casual eatery. You may or may not still need a shirt and shoes. Thanks, Adrien.

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Originally uploaded by mirthmobile

It's like the variable in algebra. That kinda works with the tax service don't you think?

It's actually a liquor store.

And that also kinda works with the tax service.

that's "special"

so, the ribs and chicken rode the short bus. I have no idea what real "cornbread" might be. Is it real something else? Thanks, Amy.

"espresso bar"

Are double quotation marks like a double negative? Who knows what kind of bar they have or how full it is.

and june and july

I find it fairly easy to believe the associate of the month doesn't get replaced every month, and Brian may wind up being the associate of most of the spring and summer. Thanks, David.

paris hilton says the wax is hot

Thony and his wife saw this in London. I dare not guess what they actually specialize in. Perhaps the wax is only lukewarm.

hey "cash", pay attention

Joe and Melanie saw this in Lakeland FL. Perhaps all horses purchased will be named "cash".

"stop" completely

These are all over Fishers, Indiana. I have no idea what a complete "stop" entails. Thanks, Jen.

more assumed names

Also appropriate for cake wrecks, as "Ann" may or may not be the name of that paramecium shape there. Extra irony: Ann is the chief of the copy desk in Carl's newsroom.

or some other day

I guess Monday is May 12's stage name. Thanks, MLW.

fashion emergencies count

Rich saw this at the Hyatt in Cincinnati. Evidently overly dramatic people can use the stairs whenever. Rich adds the extra wrinkle that there were no stairs anywhere near the sign, so maybe "stairs" needs to be in quotes instead.

I love "snacks"

Charles spotted this one in Vancouver. Evidently they pre-make the sandwiches, and the have some food-like items that appear to be snacks but are actually only for decoration.

cakes

readers may be interested in this cake wrecks post, which is pretty funny.

criticle

This was at Shelly's office in Oregon. She writes, "We’re not quite sure what a Criticle is, but it may be the name of whatever is eating one of my coworker’s plants at night." I actually don't understand anything about this sign. Why shouldn't people fix it?

"weasel"

Tom saw this in long beach. There may or may not be an actual weasel at this place.

sporks?

Joel saw this one at his work's cafeteria. I have no idea what they are actually hoping to procure that isn't forks.

dangerous and awkward

Mark took a flight from Tokyo to Beijing and this was on the jetway. He says he made it in one piece, no comment on the comfort.

present in spirit

Helen saw this sign at University of Newcastle. Who knows where peter actually is located.

Fairly Obscure

Jack's Bistro and Bagels nobody has ever heard of makes a bad name. thanks, Kjaere.

In other news, sources tell me this blog is referenced in ReadyMade magazine. I'll make a fieldtrip to Borders later for verification.

Perfectly fine

Hey, sometimes I get possessive about my stuff too. From now on I'll just announce that it's "broken" and nobody (else) should use it. Thanks, Tim.

or so they say

Rachel saw this one in Newport RI. Clearly, some dogs are ok, just not yours.

or ARE we?

Nicolle endangered her children trying to get this shot, which I do not recommend. However, I do love the coyness of this sign. It's like when Stephen Colbert was "not" running for president.

a picture of your ego might suffice

Mitch saw this at a place called J-R's. They may or may not accept your credit card, and who knows what you have to show them to get them to consider it.

cross-cultural quotation marks

JP in Brazil spotted this one. It translates: sale "a violin" (value: r$ 4oo.00). JP explains this is about us$ 242. Well, he sent it to me like a month and a half ago, so it could be more by now.
I guess at that price it can barely be called a violin, just something aproximating one.

works fine

This is the soap dispenser in the bathroom at Mary's husband's work. I'm guessing somebody is too dumb AND lazy to figure out the soap dispenser, and this sign is actually a joke.

up "scale"

Clearly, Up "Scale" means for heavy people. Thanks Chris and girlfriend.

locked-ish

Cliff did not say whether or not this door was really locked. Maybe it's the welcoming slogan of the Benjamin Harrison House!