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Geoff reminds me of this rather well known video featuring quoty fingers and chris farley.

bennett brauer

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the ultimate illusion

Gennie sent me this picture from somewhere the specialists might not be able to make the ultimate illusion with your particular hair...

she also tells this great story: For what it's worth, my all-time favorite example is one I used to pass frequently in downtown Chicago. On the door of a closed, mostly emptied out convenience store stood the sign:

"Alarm" is "On"

My husband and I always figured that meant the "dog" was "awake"... and possibly underfed.

Thanks Gennie!

"it's better"

Catherine found this sign in an antiques store in maine. There might be a reason nobody still eats this ice cream, if it wasn't really better.

to smoke or not to smoke (2)

Believe it or not, one of the very first ever "blog" posts mentioned this sign (well, this one is in Crescent City CA, but a similar one). Now, thanks to Syd, we have visual evidence. Rock on.

The Bible

This is our Bible prop in the play I'm in right now. The quotes here are actually kind of necessary, but I just thought it was funny to see The Bible in quotes.

really they're pretty boring

Jon in the twin cities says he did not go in to find out whether or not these "oddities" were actually odd.

that guitar is "great"

Nick sent me this from a back to school ad. He suggests that for a mere seventy pounds, it's likely that the quotation marks are accurate.

fake years

Dan spotted this one in Fargo. Maybe they are trying to use the quotation marks to indicate that the particular pizza you are eating is not from 1956...

"unreasonable"

Both of these pictures are from Veronica:

So here's a place in Milwaukee that has expensive rent.

Here's the story that came with this one: We were driving through Wisconsin on a road with a posted speed limit of 55, which we had to respect, because there was a cop right behind us and it was excruciating. But, we lost him when he turned into here. "Ice Cream"? We suspected that it really was some sort of undercover cop station, with the clever front being "Ice Cream."

"sorry"

we've seen insincere apologies like this one before. In fact, they are surprisingly common. There's a lot of people out there who aren't really sorry.... This one was sent by Dawn.

I thought it said left lame for a minute

Jim took this somewhere. I guess the banner is supposed to be a replacement for a person telling you that?

what they "really" need

Rachel sent me a link to this cover letter and its corresponding resume on craigslist. If this guy does what you "really" need and you want to "hire" him, sorry for blocking out his personal info to protect the guilty.

it makes a better door than a window?

Tom writes: This sign is on a door of the Modern Languages Building at the University of Michigan. I guess putting "quotes" on signs is the "modern" thing to do.

"scumbag"

Robert pointed me to this website which featured the above picture. The article is pretty interesting, but the use of the term "scumbag" is perhaps the most endearing.

random fruit. or marbles.

This came in an email from Brian that read: I’m sending this on behalf of “Dan in ‘The Mission.’”
I don't know why Dan calls himself that, or why he doesn't send his own email. Maybe his name is actually Steve. Really, all the mysteries are in the email. Also, why didn't I post the mildly dirty joke? Here's the answer to that mystery: I didn't think it was funny enough.

where's the error?

rachael suggests we look at this website and scroll down to the local businesses section. They are "showcased" in a difficult to find location. It's like quotation marks where's waldo!

is "it"?

Submitter Beth quips: "What really blows me away about this company's punctuation is that they got the apostrophe right."

leave me "alone"

Jon (not minnesota Jon, somebody else) writes: This note appears every day on an office door on the floor I work on. I have never seen this woman do any bit of work; instead, she's always
seen power-walking around the office or outside in workout clothes. I've come to believe that either: 1 - she does no work at all, and "at lunch" is code for "bs-ing my job real quick" or 2 - she does no work at all, and "at lunch" is code for "applying for other jobs/blogging/ebaying/etc".

stay off the new glass

Nathan in Taos, NM sent me this one. I really think the quotes within quotes (not nested correctly, mind you) speak for themselves.

more fake politeness

Eric spotted this one in a shop near the ferry landing on OrcasIsland, Washington, USA.

if you're going to be literal...

I suppose, technically, cameras are not living organisms. Jim sent me this one.

freedom or something

Katie saw this one in Minneapolis. I'm going to go with intentional satire about the justice department on this one.

great. "cash."

Joanna found this sign for a place that evidently gives you counterfeit money for your car.

you're really "nice"

Ben pointed me to this picture, saying "This has got to be the most perfunctory autograph inscription ever. (It's Eve Arden, writing to Bob Hope.)"

I'm "sorry" too

I also like the excessive punctuation on this one. Pretty good writing considering it was probably made in the "dark"... Thanks to Michael, who sent me this one.

what to even say about this one

Marnie linked me to this website (a sample image above). It really is one of the crazier things I have ever seen, I don't know if I can take it as satire, because what exactly is it satirizing? Regardless, there is a strange use of punctuation, to be sure.

"Real Amish" kittens

Laurie writes: I rescued six orphan kittens, and they were given to me in this box. The kittens are real kittens but not "Real Amish" kittens, unlike the chicken that originally came in the box.
The orphan kittens are here, btw: http://laurieruettimann.com/orphan-kitties

I had to skip other ones to get to this, because I love it, for many reasons:
1) you have to qualify Amish with "real"? Are there a lot of impostor Amish chicken?
2) then, the absurdity of that is thrown into question by the quotation marks. Maybe this BOX has impostor amish chicken!
3) but it actually had impostor chicken - KITTENS! and kitten PICTURES. In case you still want to see more pictures of people's cats (there really aren't enough of those on the internet) here is one of mine trying to keep me from blogging, and a video of him playing fetch.

what happens if you "do forget"?

Someone sent me this picture from their phone, which has an Arlington, VA exchange. They explained that this is on one of their work doors, where they are expected to lock up at night. While I'm sure they appreciate the reminder, I wonder how you know if you are the "last" person or not?
(actually, what happens if you forget or "forget" is you get a citation, according to the submitter)

fake politeness

Joe, who spotted this sign in a shoe store in Madrid (he thinks), suggests that perhaps the misuse of punctuation is due to the language barrier. I doubt it, as this website has been linked from spanish-language blogs before.

"shop day"

A reader who prefers not to be named forwarded me this email:

Subject: Lakeville Soccer Day at Dick's Sporting Goods

LSC has partnered with Dick's Sporting Goods in Burnsville who will be
hosting a "Lakeville Shop Day" at their Burnsville Store. Please stop by on
August 11, Saturday, from 1:00pm - 4:00pm. Vikings & Twins ticket drawing,
merchandise savings, other prizes. Please click on the following link for
more details.

http://www.lakevillesoccer.org/downloads/Lakeville%20shop%20day.pdf

If link does not work go to the Home Page of the website for details.
Please come out and support the Club Sponsor who provided all of the
equipment bags for our In House Teams.


PLEASE DO NOT "REPLY" TO THIS EMAIL

that last line is my favorite.

it doesn't actually matter

I think these are the kind of directions that are only suggestions. They were found by Meghan and Jeff while they were helping clean up after a friend's wedding.

thank goodness my roommate doesn't think I'm "welcome"

I got this email about a craigslits posting from a guy named craig:

I've been looking for a room in the Bay Area, when I came across this Craigs List posting.

In the event the posting is removed, the complete ad (sans photos) reads:

"Room for rent in nice large 3br/2.5ba contemporary Daly City house"

* "AVAILABLE IN SEPTEMBER"

* Decent size 12'x 11' bedroom with large window and good size closet.

* Room is wired with Cable TV, Wireless DSL, and Common house phone.

* House is well-lit with sky lights through out and large bay windows with expansive views.

* Common areas include eat-in kitchen, living/dining combo room with hard wood floors, 32"TV/DVD Player, and full bathroom with tub, in-house washer/dryer.

* Amenities shared with nice, mature, clean, quiet room mates, 2 males and 1 female.

* House is situated on a quiet and private street with parking always available.

* Convenient location: Close to Daly City Bart, 280 Freeway, Stonestown Galleria, Serramonte, City College, SF State University,Just 15 minutes to
Downtown SF.

* Sorry, but no smoking, no pets.

* "You will not be disappointed"

* Students "Welcome".

* Rent: $585 plus utilities

* Please contact: George (415)608-4867

Of particular note is that students are "welcome," and of course that it is "AVAILABLE IN SEPTEMBER"

no, I "don't" want children

As Mike says, "I recently visited an indoor flea market in southwestern Pennsylvania. Needless to say, I saw 'quite a few' of these. The best I can tell, the owner wants children on the bike for some reason."

good old "Ted"

Maura spotted this one on a road trip. It may be acceptable if Ted has since sold the place, so it is no longer actually his...

the "dog" did it

Danielle points out the way this story casts doubt on the witness when it writes:

"According to witnesses, the dog, - a Great Dane, was playing in a front room when the 'dog' knocked a gun off of a table."

Sounds like a conspiracy to me too.

more with the queueing

alright, so the word queue shows up again. A word which, a commenter has proven, is not in fact the only word in english that has q as the only consonant. I still like it though. Let me tell you what Ashlie sent me:

On the myspace page of The Frames (http://www.myspace.com/theswellseason) someone writes:

I have you in my Queue in my "netflix", in the "saved" mode. I guess it's waiting to see the "interest" people have in this movie. It's at the top of my list. I hope they will release it in "netflix" soon!!!! I want to see the movie!

I'm not sure which I find funnier, "netflix" or "interest." Possibly the "netflix" as it makes me think they're really a Blockbuster customer and ashamed to admit it.


So there's that. I also like the random capitalization but more than one person has told me that I have that very same habit, so maybe I should keep my criticism to myself.

working at the "bank"

Dana found this ad about "the bank" in the Torontoist. She comments: It
reminds of me Alias and Sydney Bristow's job at "the bank".

I know all about your "pain" from this book

Catherine noticed this book at the U Chicago bookstore. She suggests it is a book on the treatment of psychosomatic illness.

for "knitters"

Katie shared this link with me. Someone who may or may not be named Mary designed this pattern for something like a bookmark.

"updated" store

Megan shot all these pictures at the Macy's in Boca Raton, FL. She comments "It's like, so what are you really going to unveil after the construction?" Indeed.

"lovely"

Debby found this one in Hampstead Heath, London. It looks familiar to me but I can't recall if I've posted it before or if I just looked at her email before. Regardless, it's a pretty good one. Maybe people refer to me and Jim as "a lovely couple..."

real student, fake month

Evidently this driver, whose bumper stickers were captured by Angie, has either two children who were fake student of the month once, or one who was twice. Regardless, their status is called into question by the punctuation.

se habla quotation marks

Erin in San Diego found this in her Sunday newspaper. I like how "completely-in-the-canal" is trying so hard to be cohesive that it needs hyphens AND quotation marks to keep it together. "Se Habla Espanol" is definitely unnecessary but it doesn't seem AS weird because it is talking about how they will SPEAK to you in spanish.

threat of "eviction"

This "notice" was discovered by Shannon on vacation in St Ignace, MI. She writes: "Not only are seagulls proper nouns in that town, but they can get you 'evicted' if you feed them." Well, at least they "notify" you.

"hand washing" challenges

A work email from Meg:

Our building manager at work sent this email to the entire company, about 50 in total most of which are at least Masters level bio-chemists and environmental biologists. No one even knew what he was talking about but apparently he was referring to the tendency of people to shake their hands all over the mirrors after washing them instead of using paper towels.

---

From: AM
Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 4:22 PM
To: All
Subject: Ducklings.....

This was supposed to b a joke. Ducklings play in the water and splatter it everywhere. That's what the "ducklings" do when they play "wash the hands".

those silly "ducklings"? This email is impenetrable.

I love watching "tv" "networks"

having recently acquired cable, I know that the "food" "network" is really a network, and every time I turn it on there's actual food. Maybe it's staged for tv. Actually, I think this sign, found by colby on 3rd avenue in NY, is working under the assumption that tv networks get quotation marks, and then quoted both because vertical quotation marks look weird no matter what you do. They don't, though.

imaginary ticket

They sure don't take those tickets that seriously, even though they are an italicized must, for both children and adults... Thanks to Kerry who found this on Coney Island.

mmmmm "flavor"

I supose it is artificial flavors... thanks to Elisabeth who sent this to me.

alright for a squirrel

Jamie appears to be inundated by poor quotation marks. Enlarge the image below to see what the Minnesota Safety Council thinks about "accidental" injuries.


This next example might be acceptable for two reasons 1) plenty of people ride in regular car seating who are not very grown up. 2) the author of this book appears to be a rodent.



thanks Jamie!

"F" this "Exit"

Leslie took this photo at Philadelphia airport and David sent it to me. So my question is, is it an "exit" or is it "not"?